Verboten
by eloquentlyinsane
Summary: "I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED.
1. First Sight

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_**I decided to up the ante and grow as a writer. So my new goal is 6 pages of writing per chapter. It's a win-win situation…as long as you keep up your end of the deal by REVIEWING! Enjoy!**_

_**xoxo —****ei**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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_**·****V****·****E****·****R****·****B****·****O****·****T****·****E****·****N****·**_

_Chapter 1__:_ First Sight

_Forks, Washington_

"And so a cop comes in ranting that this man was driving drunk but he couldn't prove it. Had an answer for every test: asthmatic, diabetic, hemophiliac...the whole line-up," Lauren, the nurse, giggled. "And then, I ask him, 'Well, Charlie, why didn't you ask him to walk that damn fine white line.' And he goes and thinks on it and asks that boy. And that boy, cool as a can be, says, 'I can't walk no white line?' I ask him, 'Why not, honey?' He said, _surly and everything_, 'Can't you see I'm drunk?'"

I sighed. _Predictable._

She and the pediatrician, Jessica, burst into raucous laughter at the end of her joke. I laughed too, so I wouldn't come off as rude.

"So, Dr. Cullen," Dr. Stanley returned her gaze to me; she'd been sizing up Nurse Lauren for the past ten minutes and finally decided that she was better suited for me. "Where did you work last? Your credentials are exceptional!"

"Thank you, Dr. Stanley –"

"Please, call me Jessica," She urged.

"- Jessica," I relented grudgingly.

She beamed.

Lauren frowned.

"I was a practitioner in Denali, Alaska. I'd like to say the only fit doctor in the area so I was called upon for possibly every type of injury, illness, or malady." _Probably also the only person within a few miles radius that wouldn't suck you dry upon contact as well_, I added in my head with a grim smile.

"That must have been so stressful!" groaned Nurse Lauren dramatically. "I can barely manage part-time; my boyfriend takes up so much of my time himself." A wink accompanied the naughty insinuation.

Dr. Stanley and I were both pleased with this new development. For her it was one rival less; for me, less painful dallying from the nurse in the future.

At the end of the hallway two men stopped and paused, chatting amiably.

"Eric!" I called, relieved.

He bid goodbye to whoever he was talking to and then joined our little corner. _Thank god. _It kept Dr. Stanley distracted – the Asian surgeon was handsome – but, then I noticed that Dr. Yorkie was too busy sizing _me_ up to pay enough attention to Jessica's story about the bear in the woods.

"Dr. Cullen!" Angela called, peeking her head out of the office.

"Yes?" I answer, stepping into the warm receptionist's cove, thankful for the distraction.

"There's, uh, a patient downstairs in the E.R. Bleeding from the forehead. Dr. Newton couldn't make it; he's doing a kidney transplant."

"Not a problem, I'll take care of it right away, Angela."

Angela was quite nice, perhaps the only one here that didn't see me a threat or a _nice package,_ as some had murmured at my front. And there wasn't any respite from any of the attending. Apparently all fronts of decorum had flown out the window when I had recieved my stethescope.

"Will you tell Dr. Cheney to take my patients for the next hour or so?"

"Of course." She said eagerly. Like she needed an excuse to distract her boyfriend at work.

It was only my second day on the job as the University Hospital's newest diagnostician, but too many people here knew me already. Thanks to the grand introduction the dean had given me, not only my receptionist, but also all the general operators, practitioners, specialists, and pediatricians were familiar with me. Unfortunately, the news was quickly spreading to the student body.

I pushed open the E.R. doors and glided in.

The occupant noticed me immediately. "You're not Doctor Newton!" the girl accused, pointing her finger at my chest.

I stared at the offending digit coolly and then sucked in a breath to answer. "No, I am –"

I froze.

Her scent, magnified by the open wound, had permeated my very being, hitting me with the intensity of wrecking ball – flames of hunger, tongues of desires that had simmered dormant in me for years rose up uncontainably, fueled by the mere perfume of her corporeality.

I took two steps toward her, an undeniable thirst burning my throat.

_Think of all that you've worked for Carlisle,_ a sanctified voice whispered sagely in my head.

_Ah, but doesn't she smell absolutely divine? _Another, with a more menacing edge, hissed. _I've never come across anything like it. It's been four hundred years – we deserve a treat, do we not?_

She had noticed the sudden change in my temperament. Instead of calm and clinical, her wide brown eyed reflected me as some insane, demented monster – exactly the side of myself that I had tried for four centuries to suppress. I wouldn't be thwarted now.

_Ah, won't you?_

Venom surged to my lips; unconsciously, I licked them. The woman flinched.

_Don't do it, Carlisle. Think of Edward and Esme, Emmett and Rose, Alice and Jasper – you'll ruin their lives._

_Emmett and Jasper have __ruined __us often enough, it's _your_ turn,_ it said smugly.

"What are you -?" She began as one of my hands reached mortally for her throat. I lunged at her, baring my teeth -

"Oh, hello Carlisle." Dr. Newton walked into the room, apparently confused as to why I was here, but completely unaware of the murder he had narrowly prevented as his relatively dour scent permeated the small, hot room. "I didn't know who would take care of Bella today. But you might as well; she'll be in here often enough."

The fright left the woman's face and was replaced by a delicate pooling of blood in her cheek, the most delicious shade of crimson I'd witnessed yet. My hands clenched and I buried them in my pockets to restrain myself.

"Don't embarrass me, Mike," she murmured shyly.

"Embarrass you?" He laughed. "I'm merely warning Carlisle. He's new here and has no idea what he's in for!"

"I take it she's a regular?" I asked demurely, moving toward Dr. Newton so he could mask her scent.

"Regular?" He scoffed as Isabella's face turned a delicious scarlet. "This is like her second home. Thank god, she leaves for the summer or she would clean us out of bandages, transfusable blood -"

"_I do not_ –"

"I was just joking, Bella. I love having you here. Now let's see that cut."

I didn't miss the tone of his voice. _I _love, not _we_ love. The love triangles just didn't stop with these capricious humans.

As she slid off the gurney, a few drops of ruby-red liquid spilled and crashed to the floor. It was astonishing, the unfamiliar feelings of thirst that filled me. I wanted to lick the blood off the floor, not let it go to waste.

_Remarkable._

I'd spent several centuries trying to make myself as close to immune to blood as I could. And then, there came along a girl – a simple human – who, without even a perfunctory attempt at seducing me easily pushed me off my pedestal.

She moved toward _me_ and the air was once again perfumed.

_Was she deliberately trying to provoke me__?_

_No..._she was studying me, looking for a hint of the unorthodox behavior I had just exhibited - that had so inexplicably vanished when Mike had come eyes studied my form that was held stiffly so as to prevent myself from attacking her. She held her wrist out toward me and Mike was moving away to find some bandages – the irresistibly floral scent was closing in, clouding my mind.

She looked so lovely and tempting. _I could kill her. Here and now. Dr. Newton would have to be silenced as well, but that was __an unfortunate necessity..._

"Excuse me, Dr. Newton, but if you can handle this, I really should get back to my charges." Without waiting for answer, I left the room, walking faster than I should have been, but I didn't care if someone noticed. I had to remove myself or…

Once I was outside, I rushed to my office and told Angela that I was feeling queasy and would be taking the rest of the day off. I certainly wasn't flushed but perhaps I looked less pale but she looked truly worried and told me to rest and come back only when I was completely rested and rejuvenated.

"So, I was right…" A high treble met me at the exit.

I nodded in greeting.

"Alice. I should have known you would be here."

"I knew you'd make it. Emmett wanted to come out here but I was afraid that he'd be the one that made the scene so I came here by myself."

"Thank you. It wasn't necessary."

She climbed into the passenger side of my Mercedes. "Jasper's distraught, as you might have guessed, or he will be when you get home _clean_. Forgive him, please."

"He tries harder than all of us," I agreed.

"So, who was this siren? Then one who finally tempted the epitome of restraint himself?" She teased.

"Please. I'm nothing of the sort."

"Will we be moving?" She asked sadly. Seeing her answer before I'd replied – "No?" She said wonderingly, "Why not?"

"I don't think she will be a problem. One of the other doctors seems quite keen on her and I think he'll be jumping at every opportunity she comes in."

"Oh, that's wonderful." She deadpanned.

I laughed.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, I know we're restricted by sunlight, but honestly? The University of Washington, Fork? This city is not to my taste. It's so..."

"Cloudy?" I suggested, reprovingly. "At least Esme will be pleased. She put a lot of work into the new house," I added.

"She forgot to soundproof her bedroom," Alice muttered darkly.

"Alice," I said sternly, as we neared the house. "You should try to be a little more considerate."

"Considerate?" She sneered, "It's been their fifth marriage and they're suddenly acting like newly-weds again! Rose and Em were better." I raised an eyebrow. She giggled, "So they're not as bad as Rose and Emmett, but at least they got over it _twenty years ago_," she said pointedly out.

"Let's all go hunt tonight," I suggested. "It'll be good for all of us to get out a little."

"Esme and Edward hunted this morning. So they'll be busy tonight…doing something to 'burn off the plasma,' " Alice scowled.

"Alice, really," I tried to soothe her agitation."

"Carlisle?" Esme came shooting out of the house. "Alice? What happened? He didn't…_did_ he?"

"No," I said.

"No," repeated Alice.

"No?" She looked from me to Alice.

"He's clean."

"Oh, thank God." She sighed in a relief. "To think we'd have to move away just a few weeks after we moved in." She smiled a coruscating smile, and something within me twinged painfully.

There was a stampede of feet as the rest of family realized my presence; Edward, Emmett, and Jasper came ricocheting down the stairs. "Did he – did you?" Emmett asked breathlessly.

I looked at Jasper's hopeful face – almost painfully wistful – and shook my head, somehow feeling guilty for _not_ slipping. "No. I didn't."

"Ha! Pay up!" Emmett held out his hand to Edward.

"You bet on this?" Esme asked, wrinkling her delicate nose in distaste.

Alice and I were still watching Jasper whose face had fallen. Realizing that we were watching, he smiled in false pleasure and trudged back upstairs.

"I feel terrible," I murmured.

Alice squeezed my shoulder. "It's not your fault. He feels weak, is all. Give him some time." She went after him.

"Where's Rosalie?" I asked, setting my bag down and collapsing heavily on the couch.

"In the garage. She's tuning my car," Edward replied. "Hey, we never finished that game…" Edward tossed Emmett a controller and the latter's face contorted in extreme giddiness.

"You are so on, kid. I'm taking you _down_."

The brief silence that lasted while the game was being set up was a broken by a shout from upstairs. "I don't understand! I can't bear this!"

"Jasper!" Alice cried. "Please!" He didn't answer. Instead he stomped downstairs and left the house, slamming the door. Alice paused at the foot of the stairs, looking expectantly at Edward.

"Relax, he only went hunting."

"Shut up, Edward!" Jasper shouted angrily from the garage where we could all hear him starting up one of the many vehicles. From the low mechanical purr, I hazarded a guess for the Volvo.

"Oh, for god sakes," Alice muttered furiously. "Jazz, you're being ridiculous!"

Rosalie walked inside as Alice ran after her husband. "Edward, that was your car," She said, eying the controller in Emmett's hands. "Careful with that, Emmett, you broke all the others when Jazz kept beating you. I don't want to have to order another one."

"What?" Edward jumped up. "Jasper! _Hey_!" Jasper and Alice were already gone. "Damn!" He hissed, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

Rosalie cast a glance at me as she sat down next to Emmett. "I heard what happened to you in the hospital today…is that why Jasper's panties are all up in his –"

"Yes, well..."

"Jasper wears panties. Jasper wears panties," chanted Emmett, with a grin.

Rosalie rolled her eyes at her puerile husband. "We're the only ones left, Carlisle. You can't slip, I hope you realize that. Your restraint is holding this family's pride and scruples together. I count only by a technicality."

"Thank you, Rose." I replied uncertainly, "For that added burden and resounding vote of confidence, Rose. You've left me to quite an entitlement. And I didn't realize that track records were measured so meticulously."

She laughed and then turned to Emmett. "Now, what was that promise you made this morning?" She asked, wiping a little grease from her elbow.

"Greasy, just the way I like it," Emmett said with a grin. "But actually, babe, you said you were going to tie me to a pole and lick from my –"

"Emmett!" I clapped my hands over my ears. "Remember what we said about filthy language?"

He grabbed Rosalie and hoisted her over his shoulders and they left me in the room, laughing wildly. I could guess where and what they were headed to do. I could hear Edward and Esme's voices from upstairs and I sighed. I went downstairs and outside into the yard. But before I could go far, I caught a glimpse of Alice and Jasper skinny-dipping in the brook near the house.

I was trapped.

I went into my study, closed the door behind me, and began to pore among the titles. Many of the tomes were originally Aro's, but he'd dismissed many of them, saying that he could get someone to read it for him and then peruse their thoughts. Wonderfully preserved, glossy finishes, well-bound, lexicographically archived, deeply intriguing.

It was easy to get forget myself here. To sit and read several days away, uncaring until the gnawing sensation of thirst forced me to drink. Then sit and read for another stretch. And very practically, it was expertly soundproofed.

The air was cool and moist and lulled me into a semblance of slumber.

I don't know for how long I sat there, reading, but I was suddenly made aware of my surroundings as several loud thumps and sounds came from the rooms above. All our walls were supposed to be sound-proof, for optimum privacy but vampires could both make a lot of noise and hear extremely well. At certain times, this was convenient, at others, it was nothing short of mortifying.

I felt slightly humiliated: hiding in the basement of my own home, waiting for the people who I considered my children – though Esme and Jasper were closer to my age than to the others to finish their _personal_ business.

A chill settled on me like a pallid cloak, and after a few seconds I realized and acknowledged that I was lonely.

And yet, that was ridiculous; I had a wonderful family who were unique, special, and wonderful. But it wasn't simply companionship that I was craving now. It was also affection, for someone, from someone with whom I could talk about things that I could not tell my family even or even nothing at all. I was twenty but also four-hundred.

_Shouldn't I be afflicted with this lovely malady yet?_ Wasn't there anyone who could love someone me?

All the other relationships in this house were based a foundation almost like Stockholm syndrome-esque developments; Edward, Esme, and Rose had been dying - I had saved them. Emmett had been dying, Rose had saved him. Alice and jasper had saved each other. After his or her transformation, they'd immediately gravitated toward the closest, most available Cullen.

Never I, of course.

They saw me as a father figure, not a lover.

"Carlisle!" That was Esme's voice.

I smiled to myself as I came upstairs. Esme beckoned for me to join them and then nestled into her husband's side. I sat down on a divan and propped a book open in my lap and surveyed my family. This scene was very familiar to me – the rest of the family was assembled in the parlor as Edward played the piano – but now I took it in with new eyes and for the first time, surrounded by the people I loved and those who loved me.

_I shouldn't be complaining. After all, everything worked out; nothing was unrequited. __But wouldn't I get my happy ending? A lovely wife – no children, of course – so that every time the couples paired off, I wouldn't be holed up in my study._

Of course, I was probably bitter because my love had been taken from me. _To love was one thing, but to love and have it taken from you…that was quite another thing. _And yet, pain was so prevalent in my life, self-imposed or not, that I easily confused it with the equally flighty emotions that I experienced because of my family.

I was considered strong-willed by my family: insensitive to the humans' blood because of my several centuries spent inuring myself to them, but, as my family remained unenlightened, I smelled everyone very distinctly; each human an equal challenge, equally painful to endure. I was only more used to the pain than the others, but that didn't make it less excruciating.

I was not like Edward who believed that he and rest of us were destined for hell. _How could any benevolent God sentence any of my family, pure creatures as they were, to a damned existence?_

_Was I wrong to wish for a soulmate? Adam had Eve. But if Edward were right…Lucifer hadn't had a partner…_

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_**Review.**_


	2. Meeting

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_******To my wonderful readers who reviewed, you get this chapter dedicated to you: **a__kelleygirl, Brizee, Sarah Victoria Cullen, EJ 12212012, fanpir, lulalalalalallalalallalala, XxMidnightMoonxX, gottalovev__**. ****Enjoy.**_

_**xoxo —****ei**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

* * *

_**·****V****·****E****·****R****·****B****·****O****·****T****·****E****·****N****·**_

_Chapter 2__**:**_ Meeting

_Forks, Washington_

Finally, it was time for school to start, time for the 'children' – Emmett, Rose, Alice, Jasper, and Edward – to begin their charade in a new town, to beguile new humans. As usual, there was the usual argument about grades and the inevitable stories that followed to prove points.

"A _freshman_?" Alice scoffed at Emmett. "You look as much like a freshman as Carlisle does. "Don't be stupid."

Edward frowned. "I don't want to do college again," he whined. "I hate tailgates."

"So what? You don't even drink beer," Jasper laughed.

Emmett sighed sadly. "I know. Man, I miss it." He glanced around. "Rosie? Wanna go to medical school with me?"

"Whatever." Rosalie continued to study her reflection in the glass of the coffee table, smiling at her jaw-dropping profile, tilting her face from side to side. "Like it even matters."

"Hey, reeking beauty," Edward wiped a grubby on the clear glass of the coffee table so that the grease on his hand clouded her reflection.

"Edward!" She shrieked.

_And they're at it again._

But Rose was right. In five or four years we would pick up and move, leaving behind everything. Forks would be no different than any of the other places we had stayed.

Emmett whined. "No college? But that means we can't act out Romeo and Juliet. Remember that time in Rochester? When Rose and I had to be Romeo and Juliet, for _Classics_?"

Jasper shook his head in chagrin. "I don't any of us will be forgetting that anytime soon. You acted out all of act three, even the parts that didn't _exist_."

Emmett grinned. "It was intense. Rosie, you were so hot!"

"Didn't your professor get a nosebleed and then pass out?" Jasper asked, smirking.

"Yep. And Rose hadn't even taken off her clothes yet. I was just kissing her."

"I _didn't_ take my clothes off, Emmett," Rose reminded him.

"No, but the way you took your coat off, and the way you whipped off your heels…they totally thought you were going to strip in the middle of the classroom."

"Poor Edward," Alice patted her brother's arm. "Remember the aftermath of that week?"

"Vividly," he scowled. "You wouldn't be laughing, too, if an entire _school_ was thinking about having sex with your sister constantly."

"Jazz," Alice said, "You be a sophomore with Edward and me."

"Are you kidding?" Edward laughed. "No way; he's twenty-three!"

"And not a single wrinkle to show for it. You could pass for a junior." She squeezed his hand.

We loved our little jokes.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Alice. Remember when Emmett ripped my pants, in _History of Amish Civilizations_?"

"How did you not realize until Rose told you? So much for being in touch with your feelings." Emmett snorted.

"Why didn't you listen to me, Jazz? I told you at lunch not to go wrestle with Emmett that day." Jasper hung his head in shame. "Never again, darling," she said gaily.

"It's not like I could have gone to the nurse. She would have made me take my pants off and measured my temperature." He cringed at the image. "Not the fun way."

"Downtown!" Emmett cheered.

"We got it, Emmett," Edward snorted. "I think Jasper was going for subtlety."

"It is not _my fault_ our class stupidly assumed that I was giving you a job."

"What else would they think?" demanded Rose. "Why didn't you take off your pants if she was fixing them."

Jasper frowned. "It would have been worse if they seen me in my boxers."

"Tighty-whities, you mean," snickered Emmett.

"Says the vampire who has a closet full of women's lingerie that his wife makes him wear," Jasper shot back. We all glanced at Rose who didn't bat an eye to either confirm or deny. Of course, knowing Emmett, we had to conclude the worst.

"Thank you, for another month's worth of nightmare material," Edward groaned, rubbing his eyes futilely.

"I don't know how it could have looked worse," I said tiredly. "I had to come in for a conference to discuss the inappropriateness of sexual activity in an educational environment." I shuddered. "With a man who probably didn't have any carnal knowledge of what he was saying."

"The thread was short," Alice said defensively. "Fine, Jasper. You can be a senior."

"I don't want to go to college _again..."_ Rose whined. "I hate Greek life."

"Why don't you all join as graduate students?" I asked calmly, ending their asinine conversation. "Alice, Emmett, it's been a while since you've been to medical school."

"Oh, hells yes." Emmett grinned. "I look _goo-ood_ in scrubs."

Rosalie grinned like the Cheshire Cat, running her hand up Emmett's leg.

Esme grabbed her hand and put it firmly on the table. "None of that with all of us around." She said sternly.

And so, it was decided.

Esme was going to be pursuing her law degree. Edward was going to start an MBA. Emmett and Alice were going to medical school, and I was going to start out as an attending at the University hospital. And Jasper was going into English Literature and Theatre.

"Is there even any reason I should be acting the father this time?"

This announcement so shocked all of the them that the conversation was put to rest.

"I simply meant," I hastened to explain, glancing around at my stunned family. "I'm not even the oldest. Esme is technically three years older than I am. Besides, I always elicit the sympathies and attentions of strangers because I'm a _single father_." I said the words scathingly. "Esme wouldn't have that issue."

"We don't call you our father for our health," Rose said flatly. "You...made us. It wouldn't -" She glanced around at the others and they mutely acquiesced. "- be right for it to be any other way."

"I could be Jasper's brother," I offered weakly. Her praise had shaken me.

"I'd be a terrible matriarch," Esme said resolutely. "I can hardly keep Edward in line, let alone Emmett."

"Besides," Edward interjected. "Most of our assets are in your in name and if you took Jasper's name, we'd have to re-forge your medical license and..." The others nodded vigorously, apparently thrilled with this more robust excuse.

"Still, it would make it easier to explain why we were all living together. Jasper and Rosalie don't have to be related and Esme matriculated as a Cullen, so we can simply say they're married."

"It would be nice to not hide," Esme said slowly.

"It'll be a nice change. But when you graduate this time, _you're moving out!"_ I teased. "Now, get to school!"

-x-

Today was my first day back to work. I had passed off my week of illness as aggravated influenza and Esme's dislike of pills. Jessica and Lauren were, of course, the first to receive me.

"It's so good to have you back," Said Jessica, smiling warmly, touching my arm.

Eric frowned. Mike merely looked bored at all the attention among the doctors I was receiving.

"What was it you were sick with?" Lauren asked with concern.

_If I said SARS, would you finally leave me alone?_

"The flu."

"That doesn't take a week to get rid of," Mike said testily.

"No, but Esme doesn't like pills."

"Esme? Your wife?" he asked hopefully. The word struck a chord in my heart.

"No, my brother's wife. She lives with my family and me," I said with a sense of defeat; Jessica's relief was dismaying.

"Dr. Cullen!" Angela beeped me.

_In the nick of time! _"Yes?"

"You have a patient to see."

"Thank you, I'll be there momentarily." I nodded at the group. "Thank you for your concern. I should be going."

I smiled at them. Jessica swooned. Eric caught her.

-x-

As I passed Angela's desk, she handed me the patient's file.

"Angela, send her in please."

When Isabella walked in, her scent, like a bullet, hit me point blank and I recognized it instantly. It was she, the siren. _My_ siren, whose tempting blood drove my senses from me.

"Oh!" She drew up short as she saw me. "It's you. Dr. Cullen, right?"

I debated answering. To speak, I needed breath. If I breathed, I might be lost to my instincts. I took a risk; after all, she wasn't bleeding this time.

"Yes. Good to see you, Bella."

I smelled her like I hadn't before. Her scent was distinctly floral, luscious and exquisitely tempting. I licked my lips and she blushed red. In the heat of the moment, I hadn't noticed before how, well, how wonderfully ambrosial she smelled. It was like freesia.

But, my years of practice and the absence of an open wound made it…bearable at the least. Fire burned my throat – swallowing didn't help in the slightest – and her deep brown eyes reflected mine, turning rapidly from ecru to deepest onyx.

"So," I began, prompting her.

She clasped her hands together. "Dr. Cullen… I felt a little ill this morning. There's a flu going around, do you think I might have that?"

Her breath fanned my face, and the muscles in my throat constricted, intensifying the friction and burning, _as if_ I wasn't having a hard time already.

"I, uh," I swallowed hard as her breath fanned my face. "Could you tell me some of your symptoms?"

"Chills, headaches, a cough, congestion, _consternation_…" She added wryly.

I smiled at her wit.

Unexpectedly, she turned red again.

"It might just be a cold or the flu. Keep dinner light today, Bella. Drink lots of fluids and if you're not feeling well by tomorrow, take some medicine and stay in bed." I looked back down at my chart. "Okay, let's get your height and weight."

I led her into the hallway and helped onto the scale.

She was remarkably clumsy: she tripped twice, once before getting on to the machine and another time coming back into the room. I instinctively grabbed her hand to steady but she flinched at my cold touch and I pulled away, embarrassed.

It didn't help that she, as the others of her generation, dressed to emphasize, though it seemed inadvertently. The blue sundress that she wore was light and flowy, following her body closely, bearing an almost indecent part of her chest, back, and legs and, most unfortunately, airing more of her deliciously scented skin.

But apparently the discomfort was not all mine: when I checked her eyes, she gazed into my gold eyes with stunning ferocity, trying desperately to prevent the blushes that overtook her face, one melting deliciously into the next, her skin like a scented candle.

And when I checked her heartbeat, I thought I'd lose my mind as with each thud, blood thundered throughout her body. Her skin was soft, like a cloud and almost as pale as mine, veins standing out like lines in a coloring book.

"Bella…" I took a few shallow breaths, trying to check myself, as my eyes disbelievingly read the next words on her sheet. "You're due for…shots."

She swallowed nervously.

"This will only hurt a little," I said soothingly. "It won't kill you."

_I might, though._

But I wasn't the only one that scared out of my wits. Her face went stark white. My fingers trembled as I found a needle. Accidentally, however, I crushed it between my fingers. I destroyed the evidence and found another. I moved toward her and she watched the syringe in my hand warily.

There was a small _pop_, inaudible to her, as the needle went through her skin.

I nearly took her then. Except, as I'd done this, there was a very clear picture of my family – Edward, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose – in my head. _I could do this, for them. __For this girl who didn't' deserve to die. __For myself, I could overcome desire._

Then, without intimation, she fainted dead away.

-x-

I gasped. "Bella! _Bella_!" I touched her cheek.

Her eyes fluttered open and I noticed that her heart was palpitating rapidly, blood thundering in her veins. At the very thought, my face drained of color and I immediately pictured Dr. Jessica Stanley in my head and the bloodlust faded.

_Deep breaths, Carlisle._

She came to a moment later. "I am _so_ sorry," She said breathlessly, shaking her head and wrinkling her nose.

_For what? Having such delicious blood that I can't help but what to kill you?_

"I should have told you before…the smell of blood makes me nauseous."

"The smell?" _How odd. _"Humans can't smell blood," I said, eying her curiously.

"I can!" She said defiantly. "It smells like rust and salt…copper, too. It's gross."

"A gross exaggeration," I said, laughing.

_Oh, the irony._

She frowned. "I'm serious, Dr. Cullen."

"Indeed. I think we're done for today."

Bella ducked her head and scampered out of the room. As she passed me, a wave of floral perfume hit me in the face with the subtlety of a brick to the face. I staggered back. "Next patient, please, Angela…" I said, my strained voice sounded like I was congested.

As I waited, I went straight for the bottle of rubbing alcohol in the cupboard. The cap splintered between my fingers but I inhaled it deeply and waved it around the room and all vestiges of her scent disappeared.

"Carlisle?" A lilting voice came from the door. Jessica grinned saucily at me. "You are in _such_ luck!" She said winking at me. "Dr. Cheney took the rest of your patients. You're free for the afternoon!" She advanced toward me.

"Dr. Cheney? How?"

"He owes me a favor."

"You? But, but - I'm not in need of free time, Jessica."

She beamed. "Don't be silly. You work too much."

"I just got back from my sick leave," I protested.

She reached for my hand but I snatched it back, recalling Bella's rejection. Jessica pouted but then added, "I'm taking you out for coffee, Doctor."

I could hardly help but be appalled. "_Coffee?_"

"Sure! Let's go!" She left the room and I slowly followed, searching for an excuse.

I'd ever met before had been so oblivious to my disinterest or so un-acknowledging of another's – Eric's– extreme interest. _How was I supposed to deal with this?_

"Ah, Jessica. I don't think I should go…right now…"

Bella was in the reception area paying her dues, and she looked curiously as the two of us entered. I met her eyes and rolled mine conspicuously. She giggled and Jessica's swiveled around to see the distraction.

"Bella?" Jessica proclaimed loudly. "What are you doing here?"

Bella smiled at Jessica's thunderstruck face. "Didn't you know, Jessie. I'm getting my Ph D. Soon, I'll be a doctor _just like you!_" I laughed, but, at the mutinous look on Dr. Stanley's face quickly, turned it into a cough.

"Why, that's…" Jessica frowned. "Great...Bella..."

"I take it you know each other," I said politely.

"Oh?" Jessica's face lit up when she realized I was addressing her. "Sure, we all know each other, small town, right?"

"Then in that case, I must be intruding," I said gesturing toward them.

"No, Carlisle, you _must_ come!"

"Really, I couldn't."

"Why not?" Jessica asked, peeved.

_Had I imagined the undercurrent of menace in her voice?_

"He needs to prescribe me a few more test, Jessie," Bella cut in. Dr. Stanley winced at the nickname, closing her eyes in frustration. "You know it is, better safe than sorry. After all, twenty-four is a very dangerous...heart...age," she finished lamely.

_Okay. Rock, me, hard place,_ I thought bitterly.

While I understood that Bella was attempting to do a nice thing**—**she clearly had some experience with Jessica Stanley**—**the moment Jessica left the the room, I would be back to fighting against my instincts to sink my teeth into her throat.

"Fine, but you won't escape so easily, Carlisle."

_No, there is definitely something menacing about her._

As soon as Jessica turned the corner, Bella turned to me and grinned. "Well, I see you've met Jessica Stanley, ball-buster extraordinaire."

I had exactly one good breath to take of Bella-free air so I had to make it count.

"How do you deal with her?"

"I've found dealing with Jessica is just like dealing with a child or a dog. You have to be firm, clear, and consistent. If you waver, or she senses weakness, she's going to pounce. Trust me, I went to high school with her."

I merely nodded attentively, trying to ignore the veins I could see on her neck that seemed to be spelling out _Drink Me_. Unfortunately, I think I managed to look positively constipated because Bella started to look a little bewildered.

"Carlisle!" Said a voice sharply from the entrance. There stood Rose, in her full glory. Bella did a double-take.

"Rose!" The relief was evident in my voice.

Rose stared, rather rudely, at Bella who flushed pink and mumbled something like, 'I'll see you…maybe next time…" and hotfooted out of the room.

Sighing, I pulled off my doctor's coat. "I'll see you tomorrow, Angela."

"Good-bye, Dr. Cullen."

Rose drew a lot of looks, both male and female, as we left the building. A man in a wheelchair was so preoccupied staring at her that he didn't notice the upcoming curb. By the time I'd righted him, Rose had already pulled up by the curb in her red convertible and snapped, "Get in!" not even giving the poor man a second glance.

"That was an invalid that you toppled just now. You should have apologized or helped," I said mildly, knowing it was no use.

"Apologize?" She scoffed. "For what? He should have been watching where he was going."

By the time we were home however, there was a raccoon plastered to the front and a squirrel tucked up against a tire. I reached down and pulled out a mass of fur. "Honestly, Rose. Animal cruelty."

She smirked. "PETA's overrated." She snapped her fingers. "Hurry up. Alice is waiting. Says it's important…or I wouldn't have bothered going over to your little game of Operation."

Usually I would have chided her for trivializing humans as she regularly did, but now I was curious and relieved.

"Thank heavens you _did_," I said fervently. "Jessica and Bella had me cornered."

"Ah! Finally!" Alice said, from the living room where she was pacing a hole in the floor. "Now," She warned. "The visions I had were cloudy – they're not set in stone, Carlisle."

"Just spill it, Alice," Emmett said impatiently.

"It's about Bella, Carlisle. She was…dead." Alice didn't meet my eyes.

Esme gasped sharply. "Carlisle…but he wouldn't…"

"I don't know _who_ it was," Alice agreed. "It could be a stranger or any one of us. It's for sure that it's a vampire though; her body was ravaged."

I winced. "Where was her body?" Alice shuffled her feet. "Alice?"

"In the house."

A stunned silence met her response.

"Our house?" Rosalie asked.

Alice gave her an exasperated look. "No, the White House**—**yes, our house!"

Rose glanced at me. "I thought you said she was leaving last week."

"I know, I thought so as well. But it seems she's taken up a job here and come to support her father."

Rose scowled, and even that, I had to admit, was beautiful.

"That being said…" Alice smiled; it looked out of place in the gravity of the room. "I saw the exchange you two had. You were extremely safe. Nothing was going to happen. We won't have to leave anytime soon. Unless, of course, the calamity I saw does occur..."

"Well, I'm glad there's that to look forward to."

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_**Review.**_


	3. Lucky

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_**********Bella's luck is running out.**_

_**xoxo —****ei**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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_**·****V****·****E****·****R****·****B****·****O****·****T****·****E****·****N****·**_

_Chapter 3__**:**_ Lucky

_Forks, Washington_

It was the middle of the morning and I was in the middle of checking up a professor from the university by the name of Varner.

"…because I think it's encephalitis, Carlisle. I was just reading about it the other day. And you know because I have my Ph.D in Kinesiology—"_ Oh, that's the same._ "—I tend to notice this sorts of things. And my symptoms clearly mean—"

_Honestly, if your doctorate isn't in medicine, don't tell me how to do my job._

As soon as I had sent him on his way, a gurney burst in through the double doors. "Dr. Cullen!" Angela called. She sounded a little distressed. "In room three, there's a young woman, possible head wound and concussion. Patient was hit by a van but was administered first aid within the crucial time," She related. "She needs an MRI and a physical."

I wasn't worried—I'd dealt with such cases before—until I saw Edward leaning casually against the door of room three.

"Edward?"

He looked up. "Carlisle?" He pondered me and then nodded. "It can…wait. Go ahead."

I didn't have time for his dramatics. "What happened?" I asked urgently.

"We…might be revealed," he said slowly.

"What?" I demanded. "You…bit…?" My strongest son had succumbed?

"No…but she saw me—I can't explain it now. Go!"

I went inside and almost had a aneurysm: Bella lay across the bed next to a young boy with shallow cuts all over him. "Bella?"

Her eyes flashed open. "Oh, Dr. Cullen…uh, _hi_."

"Goodness," I said, wondering what on earth had happened and how many _knew,_ laughing nervously, "We seem to seeing a lot of each, don't we? I see that Dr. Newton wasn't joking when he warned me of your reputation."

She didn't smile but her cheeks went pink.

Edward walked in behind me.

Her eyebrows shot up so high, they were in danger of disappearing into her hair as she surveyed my son suspiciously. I wanted to smooth over the aggregating crinkles and wrinkles on her forehead but the situation wasn't going to be pushed under the rug so easily, I was sure.

"She probably has a concussion," Edward said loftily.

Bella looked outraged. "I most certainly do _not_ have a concussion!" She hissed.

"Actually," I said calmly. "There may be some potentially serious head trauma in a case like this so I'll have to give you a scan to make sure."

"But I'm fine," She muttered, shooting Edward a nasty look as I transferred her and the other boy onto the scanner beds.

"In you go," He smirked at her as she went in the scan.

I nodded my head at the backroom and he followed. "Now," I turned to face him. "Tell me what's going on."

It had started with Jasper, or rather with Alice. Alice had a vision, about Jasper. There was an accident. Someone had been hurt. Blood, everywhere. Jasper had fallen. Gore, decimation—half the school had died.

So Edward had scouted ahead in her mind for the linchpin: a classmate's vehicle spinning out of control on the icy road. Of course, _Bella_ had been in its path and Jasper had been too close to avoid a scene.

"So far, so good." I said, trying to sound encouraging.

He shook his head mutely.

I sighed. "Go ahead."

So Edward had struck up a conversation with Bella beforehand. But when the van came, to keep Bella from getting hurt, he had _picked up the front end of the truck and stopped it with his shoulder_. Then he punched it a few times to remove the shape of his shoulders…

As he had done this, he assumed that as he had thrown Bella away from the vehicle, she would have cracked her head on the pavement and fell unconscious. Only after he finished punching the vehicle did he realize that her bag had cushioned her fall and she had witnessed _everything._

Edward hissed an oath after he finished this astonishing story.

"I…see." I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. "And we thought it was over with me. She's my patient now. She attends this school full-time."

"You were right, she smells good to all of us. Nothing on what she is to you, of course, but delicious all the same," he added.

"And what's worse, she's a magnet for trouble. Do you realize that this unfortunate woman has encountered death at least three times in the two weeks we've been here?"

Edward sighed. "She lied to the paramedics. She didn't say anything odd about me."

My eyes searched his. "She didn't?"

"No."

"Why ever not? What _is_ she thinking?"

"I don't know…" He said, disgruntled.

I started. "What do you mean 'I don't know'?" It was not a figure of speech where Edward was concerned.

He glanced around shiftily. "Maybe, I should have mentioned this earlier, but, for some incalculable reason…I can't-I can't…readhermind…" He rushed.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry; it sounded like you just said you _couldn't_ read her mind. But—" I forced a laugh. "That's absurd."

_This conversation what's absurd._

He frowned in confirmation.

"Edward!"

"No, I don't _know _what she's thinking, Carlisle. I thought we all agreed my power was going to be fallible somewhere, sometime."

"And _this_ is the optimal time?"

He scowled.

"I'm sorry, I'm not helping. Let's just see what the results say."

He swallowed nervously.

As we walked back in, I muttered, "I hope, for all our sakes, she has a concussion so she won't make sense of what she's seen." I eyed him a little irritably. "I hope you realize, you couldn't have picked a more thorough way to ensure the Volturi will come rushing to the peninsula to destroy us."

Bella had already been removed from the scan by a nurse when we had returned and sat again on the bed talking amicably – no, no; she seemed very frustrated – with the man next to her. When Edward and I entered the man immediately sat up.

"I am _so_ sorry," He said fervently.

Edward smiled cockily. "It's fine. No blood, no foul."

I rolled my eyes as I read the scan's results. _Edward, we're out of luck. "_Well_,_ Miss Swan, you're quite lucky. You don't have a concussion."

Edward was dismayed.

I was slightly relieved.

Bella was triumphant.

"Ha!" She stuck her tongue out at Edward who was taken aback. Then sheepishly, she added, "I told you…so." The familiar blush filled her face as she acknowledged her childishness.

I smiled and continued, "You won't need to be stay overnight. Everything thing seems to be in order. No concussion." I probed her head and she winced. "Is it painful?" She nodded. "To be expected. You can take some painkillers whenever the pain is present." I wrote her a prescription. "Shouldn't be needed for more than a week at the most. If the pain lasts longer, please come back because we might have some serious damage on our hands. But for now," I smiled. "You're a very lucky woman, Isabella."

She glowered at Edward. "Lucky, Edward was there."

"Ah, yes. Well…" I shiftily turned to the other patient, aware as I did so that her eyes went wide with comprehension. "But you, sir, you'll be with us for quite a while."

Bella hopped off the bed, her knees buckling beneath her. I moved to steady her but thought the better of it – she obviously didn't like me touching her.

"Edward," She said icily, picking herself up, a bruise blooming on her knee.

"Bella?"

"I need to talk to you, please. _Now._"

By the time Edward returned a few minutes later with a pained expression, the rest of the family had arrived. We gathered in an empty operating room and Edward and I quickly filled them in on the incident and accident, with Alice intermittently adding relevant facts.

"So…what do we do now?" Jasper asked hopelessly.

The room was entirely still. None of us was even breathing.

"For once, I can't even blame you," muttered Rose, with a reproachful glance at her brother. "If Jasper…" She stopped herself to save his pride. "—We'd be very badly off. A school full of witnesses; just think." And then, as if it pained her to say this, she said awkwardly, "Good work, Edward."

Alice giggled. "Rose, I thought I heard a train wreck; how hard was it for you to say that?"

"No matter – he won't hear it for at least another twenty years, very likely," Rose said carelessly.

"Bella doesn't plan to reveal us. But she's very suspicious of all of us and also curious of what we are." Alice said, her eyes darting from side to side as she peered into the future. "But I don't know how she would act on that."

"What did she say to you afterwards, Edward?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"Spit it out, or you'll be Deadward," Rose threatened.

"No, it wasn't anything significant. She asked me not to say anything about our conversation. We were talking about…nothing in particular. The hospital came up. She mentioned you in passing…I don't know what she means by it, but she didn't mention my superhumanity at all. I think she missed it."

"I think we'd best lie low for a while." I said, my anxiety fading. "Jasper, don't think badly of yourself – nothing happened."

"It's going to be sunny for nearly all of August," Alice said quickly. "We haven't vacationed in a long time. And it's a good time to be out of town. The less we see Bella, the less we'll be on her mind."

"Close call," Esme said, cheerful again.

"I'm going to Denali. I need to see Eleazar."

"But why?" The others asked, though Emmett looked uneasy.

"What happened to Emmett…the feeling, not the attacks…I think I might be falling prey to it."

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_**Review.**_


	4. Summons

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_**********Carlisle is summoned for interesting reasons, heh. Enjoy.**_

_**xoxo —****ei**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

* * *

_******·****V****·****E****·****R****·****B****·****O****·****T****·****E****·****N****·**_

_Chapter 4__**:**_ Summons

_Denali, Alaska_

The coven in Denali was ecstatic.

"Oh, Carlisle!" Tanya crowed. "It's been _too long_." I could feel her hand straying. "You must stay here for quite a while, Carlisle." I chuckled, handing her roaming hand back to her. I called.

"Indeed, I plan to abuse your hospitality," "It's so good to see you again."

"But, it's is also such a pleasure to have you," Kate said, stroking my arm.

_These two._

"Carmen," I said, happily. "How are you? It's been so long."

"Ah, Carlisle. If you were human, I would show my happiness in seeing you in my kitchen." Her thick, warm Iberian accent was comforting. "_Vamanos_, Carlisle, _tenemos hambre._"

"Carlisle." I glanced up. Eleazer was framed in the doorway of his grand house. A smile lit his features. "It has been too long," He said genially.

"I regret not coming earlier, Eleazar, but odd circumstances have brought me."

"That sounds promising," he said, eyes gleaming. "But perhaps, we ought to have a bite before conversing." He looked around. The others nodded. "Excellent."

A few hours later, we were assembled in their fine home and I filled Eleazar and the others on the recent events and their finer details. At first, they simply didn't believe me.

"Carlisle, you jest," Irina said, haughty. "You, of all people, could not be tempted by a mere mortal."

"I kid you not, Irina. I was _thrice _rendered a newborn helpless before this woman."

"And you believe that this is what happened to Emmett," Eleazar said thoughtfully.

"Yes. Only, I don't wish for the outcome to be the same."

"Obviously." Eleazar nodded. "But then, Carlisle, I don't understand your confusion. Isn't it obvious?"

"What is it?" Kate asked.

"She, Bella, is his _la tua cantante. _Her blood sings to Carlisle."

Kate giggled. "Congratulations!"

Tanya rushed over to embrace me heartily. Not to be outdone, Irina and Kate joined her in our embrace. I wasn't sure who was where in a quick moment as hands and bodies were everywhere. _Any_ excuse to touch me, they seized.

"Congrats are indeed in order," Eleazar said wryly, laughing at my predicament. "Why the long face, my dear friend?" He asked as Carmen snapped at the three succubi. "_Sientate y callate!_"

"I suspected this," I murmured. "I only hoped I was wrong. That's why I came to you. I don't know what to do."

"What to do?" he seemed bewildered. "Carlisle, perhaps, you, who have been alone for so long, will finally receive your other."

"No," I growled. "Not like this."

"It is your choice, Carlisle. But I see no reason for you to stay, although you are welcome in our home for as long as you wish. _Go!_ Embrace the opportunity. Make her yours."

-x-

"Carlisle!" Alice's voice was triumphant. "You're not leaving us!" The cellphone in my hand buzzed with her energy.

"Aren't I?" I asked. A few days later after I had satisfactorily mulled it over in Denali with Eleazar and his coven of wandering hands, I was on my way to Isle Esme for some well-deserved quiet and no Bella. At least, as much as I could manage before the rest of my family joined me.

I went for a swim first, delighted by the aquatic life I found and also by the way I caused the brook to positively scintillate. Although, I had to admit, it was entertaining at first, but later downright dull. The wildlife was plenty. I settled for a bear and then a moose. Although, I didn't think it was normal for moose to be so far south – Edward and Emmett had queer fantasies about their food. Something obsessive about mountain lions and bears, they had imported game.

I wished for company.

My old complaints returned and without human distraction, I dwelt unhappily on them and Eleazar's words sounded more and more rational. Perhaps, to all the high-minded talk about true love, there was a compelling biological component. As a doctor, I could accept that But as a vampire? I couldn't risk hurting someone to make sure.

I checked my reflection on the silver plating of my phone. My dull nigrescent eyes peered intelligently back. At least, I comforted myself, they had never been red. Or, more accurately, I never had seen them red.

When I got back, I could hear cheerful chattering coming from the house.

"Carlisle!" Alice screamed from the front door.

I smiled.

"I've just about had it with Esme and Edward. I don't think any of us will be able to stay in tonight," She muttered darkly. "Luckily," She continued, brightening, "I bought you some swimming gear." As she said this, her hand reached behind her and snagged a thick suitcase.

Several minutes later, we were all parked, well-clad, on the beach, surveying the water.

"Who's first?" Rose asked, almost timidly.

"Not me. The water so hot," Alice turned up her nose.

"Oh, girls. Come on now." Esme jumped up. "I'll race you." She broke off running and just when the ocean's surf tried to touch her toes, she dove gracefully, like a dolphin, into the waves.

"That looks fun," Alice said, tossing off her towel.

"Wait up." Rose followed suit.

And the four of us, we leaned back in our beach chairs and sighed.

"_Ahhh_…"

**-x-**

We – Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie – were lounging in the living room, each to our own. Suddenly, there was a loud thud from the blue room.

"What was that?" I asked.

"I'll go check," Emmett stood up. "I hope Edward and Esme are okay."

"Sit down, Emmett," Alice snapped. "They are _more than okay_ and you know it."

Emmett snickered," Well, then Rose. Let's off." The two off them disappeared. And a few more minutes later, louder thuds came from the green room.

"Oh, how ridiculous. They're competing." Alice sighed. "Jasper, I'll see you in a few minutes." She stood up and walked into the pink room.

Jasper looked at me. "How do you stand this?"

"Stand what?" I asked.

"_This_. When it is all too obvious that sometimes, to fit into this family, you need a partner. And you have none, Carlisle."

"Love isn't for everyone, Jasper," I told him, my heart sinking at my empty words.

"But, you're a great man, Carlisle. I wish I were you – in fact, most of the time, I do. I'm the only in this family that slips so much. I wish I had your restraint."

"You saved Alice. That itself is wondrous."

"Even so, do you ever…wish?" He asked warily. "Rose, Esme, they're wonderful people and beautiful, too. But Alice is all I could ever want or need. But you, you're alone. Do you ever want them?"

"Rose and Alice are like daughters to me. And you and Emmett like sons."

He picked up on my exclusion. "Not Esme and Edward?"

"Edward was the first one I truly bonded with after my change. He is like a brother to me. He sees me like a father, I know, but he is very special to me. Admirable in himself, but with fatal flaws. Esme…" I sighed. "I've never disclosed this and I'll hope you won't let either know: when I saved Esme, I thought - She was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen. But so delicate and fragile. She still is. Still is beautiful, I mean. Not as fragile."

I glanced at him. He looked staggered.

I held my breath for a moment, hesitating. Of course, the others were busy and wouldn't notice, but still. I had never told anyone. But somehow, Jasper seemed an appropriate man to share it with.

"I'd never have imagined," He said slowly. "I _have_ sensed such a feeling off of you many times, but I never…"

"After the change, I assumed that she would be mine – arrogant of me. Esme is actually older than I am. And thus, so much older than Edward. When she met him, I could see it in both their eyes. I denied it. But it happened. I was jealous," I said bitterly. "Envious of what he had. Later, I was wiser. Even if I had her, she wouldn't have been happy and seeing her happy – it fills me with joy."

"How selfless of you."

"Only after nearly a century of selfishness." I laughed. "All I can hope for is that I find someone who is as wonderful, beautiful, loving as Esme is. And that is unlikely."

"Don't give up just yet. You have forever to find her." He stood up. "I'll see you later then. Alice is waiting. Mum's the word."

I smiled sadly and continued going through the mail. At the bottom of the pile there was a single slip of paper with five words flourished on ornately embellished stationary.

I wondered momentarily how long ago this had arrived...it couldn't have been long. If it had been sent here, to Isle Esme, they had to know we were here - they had their methods after all. I snatched up my phone and arranged a flight to Italy. Then, I hastened into my room and began packing the few things I needed for travel.

"Where are you going?" I whipped around. Apparently Edward and Esme were done, for the time being at least. Esme let go of the door and staggered into a chair, glancing curiously at me.

"I need to leave."

"Were we so bad?" She asked seriously.

I was confused for a moment and then I laughed. "No, no. I was sent for from Volterra."

"Godspeed," She whispered. "You can never tell what _they_ want."

"I have a good standing with Aro. I'll see you all in a while. Call me when you return to Forks." When I kissed her cheek in the traditional greetings and farewells of our kind, my lips lingered as did my guilt.

_Aro wishes to see you._

-x-

At the airport in Italia, I took a taxi to the city of Volterra. It dropped me off at the edge of city and I was forced to trek the rest of the way. Once in the heart of the city, I glanced about: there were always a few guards here, wearing long dark cloaks.

I glanced at the sky – it was cloudy, but I couldn't take the chance that the sun wouldn't come out from behind a cloud at any moment.

I ducked into an alleyway and glanced around. A tall figure had his back to me at the other exit from the alley. As I clipped toward him, he spun around, tensing.

"Aro sent for me," I said calmly.

"Name?"

"Carlisle Cullen."

He relaxed and jabbed his finger in the direction of a pair of double doors across the square. "Confirm with Gianna and wait. Aro will see you eventually," he told me, loftily.

I left the alley and entered the square, glancing around. A few scarce humans walked from vendor to street vendor. A fountain in the middle spouted water from a cloaked statue - a Volturi guard, though the humans did not know, who was a testament to the faux vampire hunts of the middle ages.

Somehow, several guards had appeared from nowhere in the space of seconds I had asked for directions. They were all looking up.

I saw my shadow sharpen—the sun was coming out of the clouds. Truly, I could have made it to safety in a heartbeat, but I could not run in such plain sight. I quickened my pace to a brisk trot and yet I knew I wouldn't make it.

The sun was consuming the clouds now, a bright, burning silhouette in the sky.

The guards were watching me now, eying my progress and calculating.

As the sun came out of the clouds, panic seized me.

I dove.

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_**Review.**_


	5. Revelry

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_**Sorry guys. I'm just...sorry. Lol you'll see why, haha. But now that I'm be responsible and writing again, the next chapter should be up in a few days. I finally got a stroke inspiration and I know what to write. YAY. Also SO MANY HP QUOTES AND REFERENCES HERE. See how many you catch :D**_

_**xoxo —****ei**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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_******·****V****·****E****·****R****·****B****·****O****·****T****·****E****·****N****·**_

_Chapter 5__:_ Revelry

_Volterra, Italy_

"Don't get water on the carpet, please," Gianna said peevishly from her desk. I resisted the urge to snarl at her, although with all the truly unruly vampires passing through here, she probably wouldn't have been fazed.

We were in the waiting area now, away from the ghoulish sewer entrance in a well-lit waiting room. The walls of highly polished wood paneling gleamed. The common fluorescent lights were muted, giving the area a generous, photogenic glow. The plush carpeting was a deep majestic green. Tasteful…if you were a few hundred years old—and most of us were.

_Always did himself well, Aro._ I thought wryly. No doubt he'd wanted to emanate as much of the quintessential Hollywood vampire cliché as he could to appease his odd sense of humor and the tourists. Although, compared to what this place housed, the Buffy-reminiscent surroundings were less than nightmare-worthy. Although it needed was a suit of armor in the corner.

Felix was still snickering while Demetri was retelling the story to as many as would listen. I sighed pointedly as the two giggled like giddy schoolgirls.

_This would become the stuff of Volturi legend._

But underneath the apparent laugh was the ever-present strength of the Volturi. That they could force a dignified, self-respecting man make a complete fool of himself to save himself from immediate death. Therein lay their power.

Their musings were interrupted when a cloaked vampire came solemnly out of the inner quarters. At first, he seemed like a benign child.

"Silence," the child said coldly.

Demetri and Felix shut up laughing like a pair of clams.

"Will Aro see Carlisle now, Alec?" Demetri asked, a tinge of resent coloring his now docile demeanor.

"Yes. He's very interested to know why you two abandoned your posts as well. Follow me," he added to me curtly.

We followed Alec beyond the arching doorway of double doors. The atmosphere could not have been more different here. It was dim and cold – a place where those waiting to be punished had their worst fears realized.

"Look what the imbeciles dragged in." Another child-like figure came forth from the gloom. This one was decidedly female though she could have been Alec's twin.

Felix made a motion as though he would like to say something snotty back, but Demetri placed a cautioning hand on his arm and shot him a glance that apparently spoke volumes. Felix glared at him for a moment before lapsing into the same oily, obsequious demeanor Demetri had adopted with Alec.

"Good work, Alec," Jane said, in her high, cold voice. "I send you out for one and you come back with two…and a half," she eyed me contemptuously.

"Vegetarians." Felix scoffed, hoping his disdain would endear him.

"And you!" Jane stared at him. "Where did you disappear off to, simpleton?" Before she could properly glare at him, Demetri interrupted, "I think you may want to hold off on punishing him once you, and the rest of them hear Carlisle's story and why Felix left. You would find it amusing at the least."

"You'd better be right or I'll see to it that what Heidi brings gets to neither of you."

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again," Alec said to me almost reluctantly, as though he found it distasteful that his lord associated with the likes of me, apparently the dregs of vampire society.

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane suggested. Holding hands, they led the way down another hallway. They ignored the doors at the end of the hall—doors entirely sheathed in gold that seemed to glow in the dim tunnel—stopping halfway down the hall and sliding aside a piece of the paneling to expose a plain wooden door. Alec held it open for Jane and followed her in. As we followed him, I could hear us being announced to the room at large.

The stone antechamber was not large. It opened quickly into a brighter, cavernous room, perfectly round like a huge castle turret, which was what it was. High upon the wall, long window slits threw thin rectangles of bright sunlight down into the room onto the three massive wooden chairs that sat like thrones on a slight dais.

The result was that the visitors below were given the impression that they were come before kings, which was exactly the situation. Marcus, Aro, and Cauis were, in a way, royalty; kings of a secret, undead world.

"Jane, dear one you've returned!" Aro came forward out of the darkness so that sunlight splashed to his face and cascaded as brilliant rainbow prisms throughout the room. "With friends!" He paused glancing at the group behind her as she briefly took his hand.

Every pale, exquisite face in the room all turned toward our party curiously at his exclamation.

"Carlisle!" He gave me a delighted smile. "You're all wet…"

"Aro," murmured Felix and Demetri with deferential nods.

He looked confused. "Jane tells me you have some news for me?" He said to them.

They caught each other's eye and broke into wide grins and the story they had been waiting to tell about me. "He _dove_ into the water—" "—So that he wouldn't sparkle!" "It was epic!" "He stayed under until the sun went out—" "Sopping wet like a drowned cat." "Even the humans noticed!" "It was just a moment before the sun came out." "We were a hair from murdering him—"

Aro laughed lightly. "Carlisle you were always unusual."

"I had no choice," I said seriously. "One hardly needs to give your men a reason to attack and I was loathe to give them one so opportune."

"Indeed. Felix, fetch Carlisle something more comfortable to wear," he told him lazily, turning back toward his two friends who had been less amused by the story. Cauis was watching me with a sour expression, possibly put out for being cheated out of another victim. Marcus merely was bored, as always. Aro seated himself regally and gestured me forward.

"Ah, yes. But first tell me: how are the others?" He asked pleasantly, touching the tips of his long fingers together and surveying me over them with an expression of polite interest.

"Very well, thank you. Edward and Esme recently celebrated their fifth marriage ceremony in Ceasars' Palace."

"Ha, ha, ha!" Aro laughed. "How very wonderful and…peculiar. I still don't understand why you and your coven insist of denying your carnal desires and acting human—we are predators, Carlisle. It's only natural and right."

"I wouldn't expect you to, Aro," I said kindly.

He laughed lightly. "Each to his own if you must, my dear friend."

"Do Edward and Alice still refuse to join us?" demanded Cauis. I nodded. "Despite our might? If persuaded we could obliterate your entire coven."

"I have spoken to both of them," I said seriously. "They could not join in good conscience and I am not at all inclined to convince otherwise. They respectfully decline your offer."

Cauis fumed.

"Settle down, my friend." Aro waved carelessly at him. "We may do without them for now. Although if we call for a _service_, I'm sure Carlisle's relationship with us should…ah, _persuade _them to favor us in the future." Though veiled by his jocular tone and expression, the threat was there.

Not knowing what else to do, I smiled benignly.

"Excellent, Carlisle. Demetri can show you to your quarters. We've cleared some space for your visit with us. If you insist on sticking to your perplexing diet, we can make arrangements."

I recognized his dismissal. "It is most gracious of you, Aro." I began to follow Demetri out.

"It will not work."

Marcus had spoken.

Aro was looking at him in apparent surprise. "Will not work?" he repeated.

"Your efforts will not be fruitful," Marcus said, refusing to be clearer for my sake.

He turned his gaze upon me and I immediately as if I were being x-rayed. Somehow, his power felt even more intrusive than Aro's. Instinctively, I knew he was referring to me and suddenly a sense of foreboding took me. Their summons had not been on a whim. There was a deeper, perhaps darker, purpose for my presence and I wondered as I followed Demetri out if I would live to explain it to my family.

-x-

The three kings, as I called them ironically, did not call upon me for the next two days. I was free to explore the system of their castle as I wished although dedicated guards kept me from where I was not welcome, and none too politely.

On the afternoon of the third day, a stillness came over the castle as though the very walls were holding their breath. The air seemed stagnant and all of its occupants seemed on tenterhooks, waiting eagerly—

My sixth sense serenaded me frightfully, but I could not grasp the mood perfectly until…

The sun was beginning to set in the sky, a slow trek until it would be hidden behind the castle, a brilliant, demonic, but impressively backlit. Apt in a way most of its visitors would not understand.

As the length of the afternoon shadows lengthened, more and more of Volterra's undead occupants rose. The castle worked itself into a flurry of activity. Silent activity, but there was a harried excitement to the movement.

And then—a burble of voices emanated from the west wing of the castle, the side open to the square, to the public.

_How could I forget?_

I quickly pulled on the floor-length robe Demetri had given me.

_If I could leave the castle before the tour group made it to the main hallway then I won't have to hear…_

I slipped out of my room and started to run down the hallway. I turned the hallway and skidded awry as I tried to avoid running into Chelsea. She eyed me balefully.

"They are here," she said quietly, not making any attempt to look at me.

She was staring expectantly at the wall across from her. I, too, stared at it and after a minute, I could hear the clumsy steps of human passing behind it – naively, unaware. Without another word, she began to lope toward the door at the end of the hallway. As the steps faded away, she moved faster.

Trapped, I returned to my room and started to chant in my head, anything that came to mind. Finally, I settled upon specifics of metabolic diseases. Medicine was one of the few things that could still hold my attention singularly. The body was so complex and, unlike ours, ephemeral.

There was a reverberation as a door closed somewhere in the castle. I didn't doubt that the feeding frenzy was about to start. I had witnessed these before and had no desire to repeat the experience.

I started to speak aloud, from memory, everything I knew about metabolic diseases. When I finished, I started on pulmonary and continued throughout most of the body.

A cry interrupted my announcements.

_"Vasovagal syncope is mediated by the autonomic nervous system!"_ I shouted to myself.

Finally, a silence like a pall fell over the castle; it was different from the before. No longer predatory and anticipating, but a content silence, like a sigh after a gorging meal, which, of course, was exactly what it was.

I sat in silence, disgusted. Just being there made me feel as though, but association, their sins tainted me as well. It sat in my stomach, the revulsion, until Felix barged into my room. He smiled brightly at me, evidently in a good mood.

"Come, loser." The formal nature of his accent and summons, contrasted almost comically with the epithet. "Aro will see you now." He took me down a series of hallways until we arrived again at the despondent cell of a room. He announced me to the room and I entered.

They sat there, on their throne, holding chalices which sloshed with liquid against the glass—the blood of the innocent people—as though it was a celebration with flutes of champagne. A sense of intoxication pervaded the room.

"What do you think of our ritual, Carlisle?" Cauis asked me.

"It is quieter than I remember," I admitted. Apart from the stray scream, the meal had been silent. I wasn't sure that this way was better, but my mind was less troubled. At least the humans were no longer tormented or taunted during the meal.

"Ah, yes. I remember when it was like a hunt, though a poor one. We used to beguile them of our capacities and watch as they tried to fight, to evade. But we grow tired of false pretenses and newborns' games. Corin soothes them and the blood is sweeter." Cauis explained, clearly enjoying the repulsive effect his words had on me.

I angled myself toward Aro. "Aro, you called me here…?" I let the inflection waver delicately in the air. The words died in the air and almost everyone ignored me.

He sighed and turned away from me, gazing down to the floor in a meditative way for long I felt he had forgotten me. _He had to begin on his own terms_, I noted. _Arrogant, as always._

Then, in a serious tone and with a belying smile, he told me, "We have a proposition for you of a rather delicate nature." _The Volturi, if anything, were not delicate._ "It does not do with the usual realm of our work." He expounded. "In fact, I extend to you this offer only because one held dear in our ranks wishes it."

I remained silent, waiting for him to elaborate.

"As long as I have known you, Carlisle, my dear man—if I may call you such—you have been moral to a fault and satisfied by the merest of needs. It has occurred to me that you might want more, but your sensitive nature is far too accommodating and modest to seize what is but thrust upon you." He leaned forward, holding my gaze. "Do you see what I have before me? I rule the secret sect of the world, along with my brothers, of course," he added indulgently.

I wondered if he wanted to me to kiss his ring.

"The domain of vampires falls to its knees before me, powerless if I chose to vanquish it. And obliterate it we could."

As if I needed reminding.

"And yet, it would be meaningless, without Sulpicia." He waved a careless hand in the direction of the two wives, one of whom met his eyes. "Life is already almost so Marcus. But you…?" He trailed off delicately, waiting for me to respond.

"Aro, I do not see what you are getting at." I said with a touch of impatience.

"Genteel you are Carlisle, though I think to a fault, I have no doubt that you deeply wish for a right hand to accompany you throughout your existence. A mate, the missing half—there are many names. Of course, such a person is a privilege that some remain, woefully, without."

I did not speak.

Esme came to my mind for an utter instant and I banished the thought, with a guilty conscience. She was as close as I had ever come to this ideal.

"So I have taken it upon myself to suit you with as appropriate a partner as you could have chosen yourself. I am your friend, if nothing else, Carlisle." He chuckled languidly. "I cannot lie to you, Carlisle, my old friend. I come to you with a plight. One of my own has chosen you, coveted you, desired you. Will you have her?"

I gaped at him.

"Who?"

* * *

_**Review.**_


	6. Plan B—

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_**************Yay, a new chapter! I told you all I WILL FINISH ALL MY FICS IF IT KILLS ME. I am not a quitter!**_

_**xoxo —****ei**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

* * *

_**·****V****·****E****·****R****·****B****·****O****·****T****·****E****·****N****·**_

_Chapter 6__:_ Plan B—

_Volterra, Italy_**  
**

"Me."

The voice was silky and mesmerizing; familiar, but only subliminally so, as if it lurked in my unconscious, something my mind shunned for its own self-preservation.

A woman came out of the shadows behind Aro's throne.

_Heidi._

She was beautiful, even by the standards of vampires. She reminded me of Rosalie, though they looked nothing alike—it was merely that her beauty, too, was exceptional and unforgettable.

She was dressed to emphasize that beauty. Her lithe, long legs, darkened with tights, were exposed by the shortest of miniskirts. Her top was long-sleeved and boat-necked, but extremely close-fitting, and constructed of red vinyl. Her long mahogany hair was lustrous, and her eyes were violet—a color that resulted from blue-tinted contacts over red irises.

Felix growled low in his throat, appreciatively. "What say you Carlisle?" He asked me even as he eyed her attire and licked his chops. I couldn't seem to look away either.

Heidi's eyes never wavered from my face.

"Felix, don't be so uncouth." Aro tittered with a laugh.

I wanted to laugh at the situation, the sheer hilarity except for the fact that I would have been the _only_ one laughing, and the gravity in the room frightened me. Of all the extreme pranks, this one had gone too far.

She walked purposefully forward until she was but a step from me. She stood there as though for me to admire and contemplate.

"I-I hardly know what to say."

"Yes, don't put him on the spot, Heidi." Aro gestured to the two of us. "Carlisle, why don't you accompany Heidi for a tour of the grounds?"

She came toward me, smiling brightly. "Come, Carlisle." She took my hand and tangled her fingers with mine and pulled me with her, rather forcefully. It felt rather like I was a show dog being put through its paces.

As I left, I caught a glance of Cauis' triumphant expression.

The moment the door fell closed, I opened my mouth to explain myself out of the whole situation. But Heidi held a finger to my lips and led me through a maze of dark hallways. I had no idea how she was able to distinguish one dank tunnel from the next.

Finally, she stopped in front of an ornate door and led me inside. Inside was a bedroom, tastefully and modernly furnished.

"Welcome," she purred.

She did a little twirl to show off and normally it would have looked ridiculously, but somehow she made it ethereal and even seductive to watch. I couldn't help but let my eyes linger where they normally wouldn't. After all, this gorgeous specimen of a woman was showing off her form for my benefit.

She gestured to me to sit beside her on her bed.

I sat there, a little rigid. This whole situation was so artificial, I couldn't help but wonder if at any moment, someone would jump out and yell "Cut!"

"I am so sorry, that it had to be like this." She took my hand. "When I first noticed you I felt this, this feeling in my heart, calling to you. And _signore_, believe me I tried to resist. For your sake, for mine, as well."

I laughed coolly. "Not hard enough, I suppose."

"Who can resist the calling of true love, Carlisle?" She asked seriously, tossing her hair back, so that her mahogany curls bounced luxuriously.

"True love?" My eyes widened. "How can you call this true love, Heidi? All of nuanced history and chemistry that exists between mates, can you claim to have any of that with me? I don't know that I couldn't say that for anyone."

"Do not belittle me, Carlisle," she said sharply. "I am not one of your besotted humans, taken with your looks." She gave a little sigh. "For me, it was love at first sight." She said simply. "You remember you last visit here?"

"Of course."

It must have been at least fifty years ago, when my coven had finally attained all its members, Cauis had asked, nay, _demanded_ that we join the Volturi, specifically Alice and Edward. I tried not to dwell on it—my family had barely made it back alive were it not for Aro's favor.

"I was new to this life then, but the moment I laid eyes on you…What do you Americans say? _E, lo sapevo. _When you know, you know." She touched my arm gently. "You do not know how long I struggled with my longing, Carlisle. How this separation has taken its toll on me. I tried to forget you. You saw Felix? He, among others, were my distractions."

Suddenly, the reactions in room made much more sense.

"But Heidi—"

"Who has your grace? Your compassion? Your gentility?" She asked me.

"You mock me!" I exclaimed. What was I hearing? A member of the Volturi praising for me following the values they themselves flouted?

"You know what it is I do here for the Volturi, surely? Then, you must understand how your pure existence offers the solace and consummates mines. While, I don't share the same principles your family entirely—being the hunter, the bait, a predator, luring all of these people to their deaths…I don't exactly enjoy it, Carlisle."

Immediately my perception of her changed.

She was a tortured soul seeking salvation from somewhere—like Edward, a lost lamb. A mistaken Eve, like Rose. I had misjudged her. Seeking guidance, like Jasper, both freed and ensnared by her ability. Certainly, he, too, had made his mistakes. But at least, he had the good luck to meet Alice – we had helped him control his bloodlust.

How could I refuse her, when I had so openly admitted Jasper and his siblings without a second thought? _And yet, how could I accept?_

Heidi, on the other hand, had been handpicked by Caius, changed on his edict, and strictly monitoring and controlled. Of course, the service she provided for them was nice, but it was merely a refinement – they could surely get their own meals if left to their devices.

"_Oh_, Heidi."

"You understand me, _si_ Carlisle?" Her touches lingered, her smiles were luxurious, and her beauty unwavering. After all my petulance about my solitary lifestyle, here was the solution, literally dropped into my lap.

Who was _I_ to refuse this magnificent creature?

-x-

When had my life spiraled so far downward to mirror that of a human sitcom?

I was perched on the edge of Heidi's bed, fighting the twin urges to slip out the door and before she could stop me, take the next plane to Antarctica and slip back beneath the covers with her and never look back.

I turned to watch her.

Her burgundy eyes peered contentedly at me—the contacts had dissolved—but she hadn't spoken. Neither had I. While, the situation had changed, unexpectedly in her favor, we both knew there was so much more to this, to 'us.'

Cauis could hardly be expected to willfully lose one of his favorites.

I would be expected to remain here if I accepted.

Even Aro…he might have been the doting godfather of this perverse, mafiaesque culture, but he only encouraged the coven's minor games and internal dramas as long they didn't intrude upon the greater schemes he planned. They amused him; they were his pawns and, as their patron, he might like to see them happy—but that sentiment only extended so far and that did not include the continental United States.

I could still see the outline of her body beneath the sheets. More perfect than any human's body could ever hope to be. _Even better than Rosalie's. And Esme—No! _I couldn't even begin to think of her. This whole ordeal was already enough of a mess without entangling her in the details. Besides, she was with Edward, _my son_. She could _not,_ would notbe entangled in this problem.

Heidi rose. The sheets fell, but she did not bother with any sort of modesty. Instead, she took my face in her hands and kissed me.

The sensation made my heart race and my palms sweat, and my breathing screech to a halt, all metaphorically, of course as it had been several hundreds of years since I had truly palpitated, sweated, or breathed. But my body's reaction to a beautiful woman was the same. I stopped myself, with a degree of severe difficulty, from giving into carnal temptations.

The feelings that she incited within me, while magnified in my vampire life, were no different than any of the women I had encountered in my human life. It was a combination of hormones, lust, and interpersonal chemistry.

I did not love her.

In the end, she was no different to me than Tanya, Irina, or Kate when they playfully tried to charm me into their well-notched beds. And all of them, to me, were only slighter better than even Jessica, Lauren, or any of the many humans who had been enamored by my pretty, cold exterior like a child enamored by a beautiful china doll.

And she did not deserve that.

Heidi did not take it well.

"I am not giving up on you, Carlisle," she vowed to me.

My heart went out to her.

I felt that I had destined her for a perpetual career with the Volturi. How could I do that to her, when I myself was the strongest advocate for Jasper and his struggles with my chosen lifestyle, when she was so alike to my son?

She hid her unhappiness from me, of course. The rebuked do not want their loved ones to see their hearts being broken, but I knew anyway: apparently the Volturi had never seen such a delicious meal.

-x-

I did not mention the match-making to the others. I decided it would only unsettle them and by the time I was within headshot of Edward, I had all but banished it from my mind. Ironically, fate's attempt at giving me precisely what wanted in exactly the wrong way had opened my eyes. About three things I was absolutely positive:

First, my family was more important to me than anything in the world.

Second, in spite of my longing and desire, I would shut down my instincts, ignore every urge I had and continue my life as I always had. Esme was off-limits and I simply had to accept that.

And third, no matter how unconditionally and irrevocably Heidi claimed to love me, we could never, ever be mates.

And so, the monotony continued…

"No, Mrs. Weber, I think you just have some remnants of the flu going around. I don't think you have anosmia. Just a cold." I said tiredly. "Eat something spicy and drink lots of fluids and you should be in shipshape in a few days."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen." She let herself out and I heard her engage her daughter in conversation as I rifled through the file of my next patient.

When I came out, Angela said apologetically, "Sorry about my mother, Dr. Cullen. She can be a bit of a hypochondriac. By the way, here's the lab work for Isabella Swan."

"Great, thanks."

I took the folder, but didn't read it right away.

Seeing Mrs. Weber had given me an idea. Wasn't it true that constant stimulation to the senses resulted in an obtuse sensitivity? Sugary desserts tasted sweeter after ingesting something bitter than after a bag of Ho-Hos. And smells that persisted in a room usually weren't noticed by a nose that had smelled it all day.

I glanced at the file in my name, _ISABELLA SWAN_.

Clearly, trying to distance myself from Bella Swan wasn't the way to go. Every time I had declared my intentions, she had all but thrown herself between my fangs. The only way I would defeat my demons was if I faced them head on.

Alice simply _loved_ this plan.

Jasper was, rightly, nervous while Esme pronounced it quite sound.

Emmett found it rather amusing.

Rosalie and Edward, however, while making it clear that they supported me one-hundred percent, as Edward said, "weren't quite so troubled by such human trivialities."

"A plan, a plan!" Alice chimed. "We need a plan and a code name: _Plan B_ for Bella. I can be Venus, you can be Eagle Claw, and Jasper can be Mongoose. Or it could be Operation Diet or—"

"—Loudmouth?" Emmett sniggered, but only so Alice wouldn't hear.

"Jasper," Edward said, with a touch of asperation. "Shut your wife up, please."

"Alice, please." I interjected before the bickering could get out of hand. "I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself here, but at the same time…we need to go about this with a degree of competence."

"Meaning what?" Esme asked.

"Well, I need to be around Isabella in a controlled, safe environment for extended periods of time so that I can increase my immunity to her scent. And it can't be at the hospital anymore – I can't expect to hold my own if she comes to me with blood pouring out of any of the five wounds she's inflicted on herself out of mere chance."

"There's a presentation coming up," Edward said.

"Edward!" Jasper hissed. "Shut up."

"What's going on?" I asked slowly. "Edward? Jasper?"

"Well, apparently Isabella Swan is Jasper's TA for _Modern Theatre_ or something equally asinine and there's supposed to be some sort of fancy discourse happening. It's quite the gathering, and parents are welcome to come. Normally, you wouldn't have to go because we all do well in school, but…" Edward exchanged grins with Emmett.

"Jasper, you didn't tell me this."

"Didn't I? I must have forgotten," He mumbled. "It's really not quite important anyway. It's just some stupid thing the professor cooked up to make it seem like all students are created equal, and the parents and TAs are invested."

"Besides, this will be perfect, Carlisle." Emmett said all-too-sincerely. "Plenty of people will be there to distract you from her and we can wait close by in case something goes wrong. It's just the 'controlled, safe environment' you mentioned."

"I am going to _kill _you both," Jasper snarled under his breath.

"It was worth it," Edward chuckled.

"I welcome it," Emmett leered.

"Boys," Esme admonished. Edward at least managed to looked convincingly abashed.

"When is this meeting?" I asked. "I didn't even think the first round of exams was over quite yet."

"Oh, Jasper, is that your school planner over there?" Emmett asked giddily.

"Why yes, Emmett," Edward replied in an equally enthusiastic tone. "It certainly is. Perhaps it contains some clue to when this conference. Let's us have a look, shall we now."

The two of them were almost breathless with glee. They sounded like they were rehearsing the world's most absurd play.

Which was how I found myself wearing my best suit and a slightly harassed expression, sitting in a dinghy coffeehouse, listening to newly-actualized college students trivilize Shakespeare by comparing it to their own problems.

Jasper, who had already said his bit, was sitting beside me with a sour look on his face.

Emmett who had been only too glad to tag along kept interrupting the performances with bits of trivia: "The last bear I ate, you should have seen it! It was almost twelve feet—no thirteen—wait, no ten..." He held his hand about ten inches off the surface of the table. "Okay, how far is this much?"

"Emmett," I said through gritted teeth. "Talking about your hunt is not helping."

He apologized, and after a minute of silence, commented on how difficult it had been for him to procure an Alice-in-Wonderland costume so far from Halloween.

"Why do you need an Alice-in-Wonderland costume?" I asked. "Halloween isn't for another year again now."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "Carlisle, _you never ask. Never!"_

Emmett leered at me and before I could protest said, "Rosalie wants me to wear it."

"_Oh_ _God_. Can opened; worms everywhere," I lamented. _On the bright side, my appetite is gone._

Beside me, Jasper winced.

Alice had insisted I wear one of my nicer suits, assuming fallaciously that the event would be classier, but now I was regretting her advice: _everyone_ was staring at me. Feeling conspicuous, I loosened my tie and removed my blazer, slinging it over the adjacent chair, catching a woman who could have easily been my grandmother make eyes at me.

After the current speaker, a thickset rust-haired boy, had finished, I clapped reluctantly and in the slowly-thinning throng of students, caught sight of Isabella. She was talking animatedly to the young man who had just finished. As she turned away from him, she caught my eye and smiled widely.

"Here it comes."

Edward, Jasper, and Emmett readied themselves as she came over to our table.

"It's very good to see you, Miss Swan." I said.

She extended her hand and I gingerly shook it. "It's good to see you here as well, Dr. Cullen, but please, call me Bella."

"Then, you must call me Carlisle," I returned. She nodded. "You seemed to have as many accidents as you do students by your hospital records." She blushed and venom pooled in my mouth. "You, of course, know my brothers, Jasper, Edward, and Emmett."

_Breathe carefully._

"Hello, Edward, Jasper. It's very nice to see you both," she told him politely. "And, it's nice to meet you, Emmett."

"No, no," Emmett leered. "The pleasure is all _mine_." His smile stretched from ear to ear.

I glared at him.

"I'm so glad you brought people, Jasper," she said, sounding amused. "Most students seem reluctant to have others hear them speak, even if it's Shakespeare recitation."

The flames which had always reared spastically around her were now, just simmering. It was only a little more painful than the average human. Every now and then, of course, if she leaned in or sighed heavily, they would spike, but, yes, manageable.

"Imagine that. It's really a pity for we simply_ love _hearing Jasper perform for us." Emmett said, glancing at his brother. "He couldn't be more excited, but the whole family couldn't make it. When's the next one?" Emmett asked her.

Jasper ground his foot in his brother's under the table causing Emmett to bump the table with him, in turn, causing Bella's drink to spill all over her.

"Emmett!" I snapped at him. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Sorry, Bella," he said, playing the contrite son.

"It's okay, but I suppose I should go now," she said, her cheeks flaming again. "I'll see you again, Carlisle."

As she walked away, I let out my breath.

"How was it?" Edward asked.

"It was...tolerable. But, again, no wound. I suppose I can manage now. Thank you both." I paused, letting my collected breaths whoosh out of me quickly. "And, for the love of god, can you three behave? You're acting like animals."

"Oh, there you go making me hungry again."

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**Review.**


	7. Out of Order

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_**Oooh, turning point chapter. And a long chapter, you're welcome, so now review it!**_

_**Also: to my old hands, if you have been following this story for a while, you should go back and reread the chapters. See, I wasn't satisfied with where this story was going so I sort of made some major changes to the background, setting, etc. ****so you should go back and quickly reread otherwise things won't make sense in the future. E.g. the Cullens are not in high school, they all attend University of Washington - Forks, Carlisle works at the UWash hospital.**_

_**Also, since this story is CxB, obvi Esme and Carlisle are not together, so I had to change the perceived family dynamic as well, which is why Edward, Alice, and Emmett are Carlisle's siblings and Rose, Jasper, and Esme are Emmett's, Alice, and Edward's respective wives/husbands.**_

_**Anyone catch the House MD reference? :D**_

_**xoxo —****ei**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

* * *

_**·****V****·****E****·****R****·****B****·****O****·****T****·****E****·****N****·**_

_Chapter 7: Out of Order_

_Forks, Washington_

She had said it to be friendly, but apparently simply saying it had made it come into fruition. I was now seeing Bella _everywhere_.

She was coming into the hospital more than ever and besides that I continually ran into her on campus despite the alarming fact that I was not even a student. At home, it was all Emmett and Alice talked about, albeit in entirely different veins.

"So, what did Bella ask you to read to day?" Emmett would tease Jasper.

"You know, for a human, Bella is awfully intelligent," Alice would be saying. "I had a completely mature conversation with her on the misogyny of Dante is his tragic portrayals of divine heroes."

And as I'd anticipated, her scent's potency grew easier to managed until, day after day, it became simple the prettiest posy in the bunch. I only wish I could have said the same about Jessica "never going to give you up" Stanley.

The doctor gave persistence a bad name.

"You can't honestly tell me you've never dated a coworker, Carlisle." She was badgering me today. "I mean, sure there's all that legal garbage, but really? _Really?"_

_Could you be more obvious? __"_Yes," I said curtly, wondering what excuse I could use today.

"Carlisle!" Mike called. "I'm heading to the gym. Will you join me?"

Thrilled, I accepted and then when we had almost reached, claimed I hadn't brought a towel and doubled back, congratulating myself on escaping the two of them.

As I walked back towards the Hospital, I caught a waft of a familiar fragrance. _Okay, Carlisle. You're prepared for this. _I steeled myself. As I came around the corner, I saw her. She was hurrying up the street toward with the same russet-haired man from the coffee shop in tow.

"No, Jacob! I cann_ot_ go on a date with you. I'm your TA!" She was hissing, sounding like an angry cat.

"But, I won't tell anyone and you can still grade me however you want." He whinged. "Besides…you're so hot."

I rolled my eyes.

She stopped short and glowered at him. "I can _not_ date you because I am your superior and you're barely of age. It's wrong! I am uninterested, Jacob. So unless you have any more questions about James Joyce, I suggest you _leave_!"

As she started walking again, she caught sight of me and her entire face went brilliantly crimson. _Wow, pasty to vermillion in _three_ seconds. That's better than Rose's Porsche._

"Carlisle," she said nervously. "Hi."

The boy called Jacob surveyed me inquisitively.

"Hello, Bella. Is this a bad time to go over your lab results?" I asked helpfully.

Her smile soured and she said jerkily, "No, Jacob and I were _done_ talking."

He looked surly and ready to argue some more, but as she shot him another dirty look, he slouched away. She waited until he was quite a distance away before turning back to me with a smile of gratitude.

"How have you been?" I asked her politely.

"Better. I bounce back fairly quickly."

"On to newer and sharper things?" I teased. _Okay, doing well so far. I only want to kill her a _little_ now._

She stuck her tongue out at me. "Well, thank you for rescuing from him. I suppose we're even now? Has Jessica stopped bothering you?"

"I've only just escaped her _and_ Mike Newton – I believe you know him, too?"

She laughed openly. "Oh, God. Mike. I remember him in high school, too. There never was a bigger tool in the toolbox." I laughed, too. "A lot of your family has ended up in my class. Odd, because I think only Jasper was in it at the beginning of the semester. I didn't know _Modern Theatre_ was such a point of interest in your family."

My smile froze.

_Of course_, Edward and Emmett had joined to ensure they never missing a moment of tormenting Jasper. And Alice, Esme, and Rosalie, of course, had persuaded to join in on the fun.

"Neither did I," I muttered. "But college is a time for experimentation, but if it's literature they want to try, well, I'm simply exulted it's not gonorrhea." I said lightly.

"Are they all your brothers and sisters? How exactly is it with Rosalie, Esme and Jasper? I didn't quite catch the family dynamic."

"Well, I am the acting guardian though I'm only twenty-seven. Edward, Emmett, and Alice are my brothers and sister by blood-" I smiled at the joke. "-And Rose is married to Emmett, Esme to Edward, and Jasper to Alice. Rose and Alice have insisted on keeping their maiden names."

"And your parents?"

"They passed when Edward was in high school. I took the family in, having paid off my loans."

"Oh my...that's so kind of you, Doctor."

"I thought that these youths needed a safe and welcome place for a second, new life. And with my medical debts paid off…They're almost like my own kids." I shrugged. "I'm essentially a single father."

I regretted the words as soon as they came from my mouth. At first, it had worked like a charm, the baggage of looking after six family member, but now it only made me a prime candidate for _The Bachelor,_ apparently. _Here it comes. The sympathetic head tilts, pity hugs, and sly initiations for an adult playdate._

"That's so hot."

_That I have not heard before_…

"What?"

She clapped her hand to her mouth, paralyzed with horror. "I've got to go," she whispered. And she bolted.

"To be fair, that was new." I said at her receding form.

-x-

After fielding a phone call from Emmett who reported that he and Rosalie had come up with a new sexual game for industrial-strength titanium handcuffs (the object was for the bound vampire to _not_ break the cuffs), I sat down and gave my encounter with Isabella my full attention.

She was clearly mortified that what she'd been thinking came out so plainly and transparently. But she was human and, in a way, no different than Jessica or Mike –

_Which was too bad_._ She had seemed different._

Talking to her had come as easily as talking to my family. The banter flowed lightly, the teasing gentle, and sincerity, or as much as I could show, had been evident.

Angela interrupted my musings. "Dr. Cullen, we've got Isabella back again. Hand wound. There's glass involved."

I held back laughter with some difficulty. "Please send her into room number three. I'll be with her shortly," I relayed.

_This was the time my strength would finally be tested and this wasn't exactly going to do wonders for her esteem. _I washed my hands in the basin, taking my time and indeed when I entered she was staring intently at the poster about syphilis with altogether too much interest to be plausible.

"The woman of the hour, Isabella." I said pleasantly as I removed a bag from the cabinet and placed it within easy reach on the table. I pulled up a chair as I gestured for her to take the operative one and went to work.

The gash in her hand was almost a centimeter deep, requiring stitches and dripping blood like a leaky…delicious faucet. I cleared my throat and my mind and went to work.

_Mind over matter._

"I tripped and knocked over some lab ware in the biochemistry department," she said sheepishly. "I'm sure you're wondering how I managed to knock over a whole wall of glassware."

"_I_ was wondering what _you_ were doing in a _lab_." I teased.

"It could happen to anyone," I said, trying to comfort her.

"Could," she agreed. "But it usually just happens to me."

She flushed and then winced as I dabbed the area with numbing lineament. After a minute, I went back gingerly back in with a pair of tweezers. The only sound besides our quiet breathing was the soft _plink_, _plink_ as the tiny fragments of glass dropped one by one to the table. I sensed her staring at me, but when my eyes flickered to her, she refused to meet them.

"Nauseous?" I asked, remembering her odd comment earlier.

"I'm not breathing through my nose," she answered, sounding slightly nasal.

_Plink, plink, plink. _I was surprised at how much glass there seemed to be in her arm. "I'm sorry, did you previously ingest your china cabinet?"

She frowned but didn't rise to my goading. Instead, "Thank you."

"Don't worry about. This is a fairly simple procedure; any doctor could have performed it." I rummaged in my bag for new tools and pulled out a needle and suture thread.

"No, I mean thank you for not alluding to…earlier."

_Ah, the gorilla in the room._ Shaking my head, I chastised myself. Thinking of gorilla was not likely to help with _her_ blood around my person.

I tied the last stitch and closed the wound. I smiled at her as I patted down the closure with iodine - the smell provided a nice relief as it stained her skin brown.

"I hardly think it's a big deal and I didn't think going on about it would help anyone."

"I'm quite embarrassed," she said quietly. "Your siblings, have they mentioned anything about what I said?"

Now, I made the connection.

"_That's_ what you spoke to Edward about after your accident, was it?"

"Oh no!" She buried her face in her hands. "You must know everything. I only agreed to those lunch dates with Mike because I'd hoped to run into you here."

A smug grin crept across my face before I shook it off, wondering for the millionth time what thoughts were running though her head. I _hadn't_ known that, but I felt she'd embarrassed herself enough for one day; if those blushes got any redder we were going to have a problem.

"Bella, I think you're overreacting. You're a very sweet young woman and I'm…a single parent, it's only natural that you would seek me out. You know, female psychology is quite simple when it comes to biological needs. Women seek out the men they think are the best caregivers and when you heard that I had raised my children so remarkably, it was only natural –"

I was babbling.

And she, she was staring intently at me.

My polite smile slid off my face. Some sort of inner turbulence seemed to be occurring, because she continued to watch me with her enigmatic eyes.

Where had all the air gone? _Look away, Bella. Look away._

She stared at me hungrily, drinking me in.

And even as I thought this, I couldn't look away. Locked in like a deer staring into the brilliant headlights of an oncoming disaster. I should have known then that this was the beginning of the end.

How long had we been like this? A moment? Several? An hour? Why didn't Angela come in and put me to task?

Finally, her eyes flickered, down to my lips and back to my eyes. Unconsciously, she bit her own lip as she tried to hold her ground. And then, inexplicably, our lips came together.

One moment, we were watching each other, daring the other to make a move and then, all I aware of was the way her lips were moving against mine.

She jumped slightly as my frigid hands touched her arms. She slid a hand up into my hair and the other snaked into my doctor's coat and pressed against my skin. Everywhere she touched me seared like I was basking in the sunlight.

"Oh, my, god." She ripped her lips from mine to drag a breath through her lungs, but it was enough to bring me to my senses.

"I have to go." I said hurriedly and sprinted from the room.

-x-

"Cured." I told the room at large. "She came in today bleeding everywhere and I didn't bat an eyelash."

"Why is your hair in disarray?" Alice asked keenly.

But my family gathered around to congratulate me and Alice's telling remark was forgotten. And so, things seemed to go back to normal, at least as normal as they could be.

Jessica Stanley's attentions were abating; and Bella no longer went out of her way to seek me out. In fact, one week later, I caught Bella having lunch with the russet-haired student – Jacob, was it? – she had previously seemed to detest so much. She seemed to not see me, but I noted from the way her mouth tightened that she was determinedly ignoring me.

It was for the best I decided. My little indiscretion could have cost me my job, and the very comfortable situation my family had created for themselves, at best. At worst...I was loathe to even think about it.

And though I would never admit it to anyone, when I was alone, away from Edward's prying, I recalled it to mind.

The sheer animal ferocity of it – I had never responded that way to anyone. Even my infatuation with Esme had been a very proper and respectful adoration. But Bella – she had reduced me to the all the self-control and humility of a teenage boy in the throes of hormones. No one had ever elicited such a base response from me.

If _Esme _had been off limits, Bella was entirely verboten. So I decided to shun her entirely from my mind. I would not put my family at risk and as for Bella – while I used to think of the transformation as a beautiful invitation to an exclusive and privileged world, I no longer had such a glorious opinion of it.

After all, who had it helped _really_?

Edward was constantly battling himself, loathing himself all because he didn't believe he, or his mate, would be privy to a better eternity. As for Rosalie and Esme, while they were both grateful for my interference, neither would likely forget that children were forever beyond their reach and eternal youth had not been any consolation. And all of us certainly had to fight to keep our instincts from taking over and keep all of our humanity from being lost.

I loved what I did – the sheer joy I got from my daily work no matter how difficult thrilled me. But what if it didn't matter? Or worse, what if, because common blood no longer troubled me, my penance was meaningless.

If I wasn't working toward salvation, what was I doing?

Simply drifting along in my existence. At least the others had mates that gave their lives some semblance of meaning. I was alone, untethered.

I threw myself into my work. I was at the University from dawn until dusk, moving from patient to patient, picking up slack where others had dropped it. Eventually, Jessica dismissed me – a benefit I hadn't seen coming – because I was "boring."

_Good riddance._

And so, here I was, working after hours, when everyone had gone home. I had told Angela to "please, go" rather than suffer watching her eyeing the clock.

I was sitting in my office pouring over a patient's file.

_Symptoms: dysphasia, seizures…hm. Why wouldn't the on-call treat her with steroids, it sounds like cerebral vasculitis. Then again if that were true, the steroids wouldn't have caused a reaction – is it a brain tumor? Although that wouldn't explain the reaction to the prednisone._

I heard the familiar click of heels that meant the janitor was making his last round before heading home. _Time to go._ I replaced all the files and left.

But there in the hallway, peering into one of the examination rooms was Bella.

"Bella?" I called softly.

She spun around, looking relieved. "Carlisle, there you are!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I heard you were staying late...we need to talk."

-x-

_"...We need to talk."_

The words sounded so ominous.

"Alright, is this a walk-and-talk conversation, or should I be sitting for this?" I asked, smiling.

"Let's walk and talk, I need to catch the bus home—"

"Allow me to drop you off. It's quite late."

"Oh," she bit her lip uncertainly. "Sure, I suppose that's fine. Thank you."

I led her to my Mercedes. She looked extremely nervous, like she was about to reveal a treasonous state secret or confess to a murder. Her eyes were darting about, to and fro, her breath came fast and shallow. But she didn't start to speak again until I was quietly stalling in front of her apartment nearly a mile from campus.

"Okay, where to start. I suppose you know that I was dating my student Jacob Black."

"This is the young man you needed saving from?" I asked.

She flushed. "Yes, that is him. And, and, just to assure you—our relationship is very clear-cut about academia and personal, _er_, things. We've actually known each other since we were children, our parents are close friends...but you don't need to worry for a moment that I would in any way or form try to take advantage of a student—I mean, you family...I'm not a predator."

"Bella," I interjected, shutting her up. "What you do on your own time is really no business of mine. And I really don't think _I'm_ one to lecture on keeping business and pleasure distinct." She blushed. "As for my children, I'm not worried. They are adults and they'll make their own decisions. I trust them, and I trust you."

She frowned. "That makes this so much harder, Carlisle. You have no idea how long I've been struggling with this." She seemed to on the edge of exploding from holding back some great secret. I wondered if she were pregnant.

"Alright, allow me to help you. Is this of a medical nature?" She shook her head. "Is this about your teaching? Your Ph. D?" No, and no. "Is this about my kids? About you? The hospital? The school?" No, no, no, and no. "Is this about Jacob? Me?"

Slowly she nodded.

"Which one, me or Jacob?"

"Technically...both." She sighed. "When I agreed to date him, he invited to spend the weekend at the Rez where he lives. There was a bonfire party of sorts going that night. We were all sitting around the fire, listening to stories. Scary stories, because apparently sitting around in a dark forest isn't terrifying enough," she added bitterly.

"Where is this reservation?" I asked curiously, a hunch forming.

"It's down in the city, by the edge of the river. It's _Quileute_ land." She said it meaningfully watching my face for a reaction.

I kept it poker-blank.

"Anyway, these stories, well, there are lots of legends, some of them claiming to date back to the Flood. One legend claims that they descended from wolves and that the wolves are their brothers. It's still against tribal law to kill them. And then, there were stories about the _cold ones_."

My face had turned stony.

She swallowed nervously. "Honestly, I don't think that story was supposed to be told because one of the elders yelled at Paul—he's one of Jacob's friends—for repeating it. These stories are very old, but Jacob said some of them were _recent_, too. Jacob's grandfather arranged a treaty to keep these cold ones off the tribal land."

Jacob Black? He could not have been a transforming member of the pack because I had not met him when we formed the treaty with the wolves. If he was, he would hardly be spilling these treasured legends to Bella like they were common urban myths.

"Jacob's friend Quil—"

"Quil Atera?" This Quil Atera must have been named after his grandfather. I had met Quil Atera Sr. so Quil Jr., too, must have been a non-transforming member of the rez.

"Yes...how did you...?" Her voice faded and we eyed each other.

I wondered if she realized what a huge clue I had just let slip.

"Well, yes. Quil did tell me. You see, the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolf—well, not the wolf, really, but the tribe's ancestor, werewolves. But this pack of them that came to their territory, apparently they were different. They didn't hunt the same way. So the elders made a truce with them: if they would promise to stay off the tribal lands and not attack humans, the wolves wouldn't hunt them."

I wasn't even breathing now.

"I didn't understand what exactly was so terrible about these 'cold ones', but that was because I didn't know them by their common name, _vampires._"

"And you thought of me?"

"_No_. In fact, that would have been the end of that, only someone mentioned something, some_one_ really. Your name came up in passing. He was talking about how odd it was that you were working at a hospital. I told Jacob that you and your family would really enjoy coming out here—Alice mentioned to me that you loved to hike in the wilderness—but one of older men said you and your family weren't _allowed_ here, on tribal lands, just like the colds ones weren't."

I couldn't imagine the expression my face contained, but it seemed to frighten her.

"I know, I'm _way_ out of order saying this to you. And at first all of it seemed so absurd, but then things, small things came back to me. About you, and your family. Things I'd never thought about, but noticed and disregarded."

"Like what?"

She seemed relieved that I was at least speaking.

"Your eyes, they change colors. When I met you, they were pitch black, but today they're gold. Small things, like that...and..."

"And what?"

"The day I had an accident, when Edward saved me, I thought I saw something, but it was crazy so I didn't say anything in case someone would think I'd hit my head too hard. When I was lying there on the pavement, it seemed Edward stopped the truck_ with his hands!_ And I remember, he punched the front end, and it _dented_."

So she had seen it.

"And I thought about what Paul had said. If all this _were_ true, was that why you were you working in a hospital? It _would_ be the perfect setting for you - blood everywhere, dying patients. And with your good looks and charm, who would ever suspect you?"

She was confident now, and gaining momentum.

"But that didn't make sense either. It didn't fit in with what I knew about you, what you were like. After all, the first time I met you, you could have had me for breakfast. But you had this expression on your face like you hated being there, with me. You ran for it when Mike took over. You resisted, didn't you? You didn't—you don't want to kill people and drink their blood."

She waited for me to interject and, when I didn't, went on resolutely.

"Like you said, human psychology is fairly simple to understand. And men are even easier to analyze than women. It must be awful for you, to be around this, but you do it anyway. You could have done something else, anything else. Edward, Jasper, the others—they don't torture themselves. But you _do_. It's like you're trying to make a point that maybe you're not a terrible person just because of what your nature is."

She reached out and touched my hand, frozen on the stick shift.

"The vampire who wanted to be good — who ran around saving people's lives so he wouldn't be a monster…I couldn't believe it, that you were even better on the inside than the outside. I mean, _look at you_!"

"Bella—"

But she cut right over me, "And that's not all I realized. You told me Esme was Edward's wife and then I noticed how Jasper and Alice, and Emmett and Rosalie acted with each other before you told me they were married. And you and Alice, and Emmett, and Edward? Besides unquestionably gorgeous, you don't look remotely alike."

"Bella—"

"So why weren't you with someone? When you told me you were single, I thought it was because you couldn't find someone that would accept your odd family situation, but that can't be it. Jessica Stanley can't wait to be Missus Doctor Carlisle Cullen no matter how much baggage you're carrying. It's because you don't think you deserve someone. You're so lost in trying to atone for something that was beyond your control that you can't see yourself for who you are, Carlisle."

_She finds out I'm a bloodsucking fiend and all she can do is give me relationship advice?_

She waited for me to speak and then quickly added. "At least, that's my conjecture. I really haven't thought about it that much."

* * *

**Review.**


	8. Competition

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_**I'm so sorry. I know it's been forever since I've posted and I know you don't care about my excuses. I had the worst writer's block with this fic, but hopefully, this will fix that. Enjoy. Let me know, did my return rock? :) Should I have stayed away? :(**_

_**xoxo —****ei**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

* * *

**_·V·E·R·B·O·T·E·N·_**

_Chapter 8: Competition_

_Forks, Washington_

"You're right," I said.

She froze, looking like a deer in headlights.

"You are _way out of order_ saying this to me."

Her face went red in shame. "You're right. I'm sorry."

I waited, but she seemed to be out of words for the moment. "What would you like me to do?" I asked, blankly. "Do you want a written confession or will your witness suffice?"

She put one hand on the door handle, but resolutely turned to me. "It's just, when I came to this conclusion, I realized something else. I didn't—don't—care about any of it."

_What?_

"When we kissed a couple weeks ago and you left in such a hurry, I internalized it. How could I not?" She laughed uneasily. "I thought I must be an awful kisser, or hideously ugly to you. After all, considering what your family looks like, how could I blame you?"

I sighed. "Bella…"

She didn't let me interrupt. "But after visiting the reservation and hearing all the stories and understanding all of this, I realized it couldn't have been what I thought. I'm not Rosalie, not by a long-shot, but I'm no troll. Jacob's proof, if anything."

_No, she wasn't._

"I realized, it must have been because of my blood. You freaked out. And that, maybe I still had a chance. I broke up with Jacob, I wasn't being fair to him anyway. But I need to know, for my sanity, and if you care at all about my self-worth, you'll answer me honestly."

I couldn't physically comprehend what I was hearing.

"I felt something and I thought, just maybe, you felt it, too. Did you? Do I have a shot?" It looked like every artery in her face had exploded in vermillion fireworks in her cheeks, but she stared determinedly at me.

"You know something, Bella?" I said, laughing weakly. "You are veritably insane." She blinked. "You learn that there is a vampire working at the university hospital and that all of his blood-sucking spawn are at the university. You then willingly get into a car with him when you know he has a reaction to your blood and allow him to take you to a secluded location and all you can ask me is _if I like you_?"

She grinned weakly. "Yes?"

"I thought you got into a lot of accidents before, but now I realize, you are very, very, _very_ lucky."

She simply smiled.

-x-

"_Lacked emotional depth_?" Jasper read, his voice positively scathing.

Emmett, Edward, and Rose snickered. I had to focus extra hard on the article in the medical journal I was reading to keep from chuckling along with everyone else as Jasper read the note Bella had left him: "_Jasper, you seem to be a very sensitive person, but you are always quite reticent in class. You seem to be very reserved with your emotions, but theatre is the one place you should never feel inhibited. Please see me. I think your performance lacked emotional depth."_

He tore his eyes from the note and glowered at all of us. Everyone, except Emmett, had the good sense to mask their mirth with semi-sincere expressions of concern.

Emmett, however, kept giggling. "Jasper, I'm _worried_ about you_. _I think you're holding your emotions in. This is a safe space." Emmett grinned and whispered, "Let us in."

"Emmett," Jasper snarled. "If the next five words out of your mouth aren't, 'Sorry about my brain tumor,' the next thing you say is going to be, '_My crotch! You've punched me in the crotch_!'"

Before the two could destroy the remaining furniture in the house, I called them to order. "Okay, barn animals. I have to go to work. Alice, Emmett, are you coming in with me today?"

Alice was starting her surgical rotation as a resident as the UWash medical school, while Emmett had agreed to be a nurse this time around. Esme was doing law; Edward and Rose meanwhile had decided to try their hand at MBAs, while Jasper was an, apparently emotionally stunted, English masters' student.

When we arrived at work, my nerves slightly harassed from having to constantly remind them that there was no spilling of bodily fluids with their respective partners in the backseat of my Mercedes, I found myself cornered once again.

"Dr. Cullen!" Dr. Stanley crowed. "I feel like it's been forever since we've had a chance to talk. Come!"

"How are things?" I murmured, knowing even as I spoke that such an open-ended question would unleash the floodgates.

And so she launched in an endless monologue about how the interns and resident were being snotty, how it was so difficult to be a single woman, how the Chief of Medicine Dr. Crowley was a misogynistic, womanizing ass, etc. I barely could get a word in edgewise, but that was fine with me; all the while cramming her mouth with food.

It was both nauseating and alarmingly laudable.

"And you know that new resident Alice? She gave me sass yesterday while I with one of my patients. I was running tests all day trying to figure him out and she comes up and tells him it was Wilson's disease—doesn't even run it by me."

Jessica didn't seem know Alice and I were related._ Interesting._

"What a bitch."

I raised my eyebrows.

"I can't wait until I do her evaluations. I'm going to roast her. She is just a bad seed, I have a way with these things. I can tell, Carlisle. You should give her a strong kick in the ass during rounds. I know how she's going to end up—"

"If it's all the same to you–" Alice said contemptuously. I had heard her coming down the hallway, but Jessica blanched as Alice entered the doctors' lounge. "—I think Carlisle isn't going take his advice from someone who dispenses it between watching _Maury_ and pinning up Groupon date ideas on the lounge corkboard."

_Harsh._

Jessica flushed red, but she stood her ground, advancing on Alice. As she drew level, she drew herself to her full height and said with equal venom, "Listen '_Doctor_ Cullen,' I expect you to treat me with respect unless you—" She faltered as she realized what she had just said. Jessica threw a half-glance in my direction before she reread Alice's badge, her jaw dropping.

"It's Alice," Alice said calmly. "Alice _Cullen_. And I believe you know my brother, Carlisle."

Mumbling incoherently, Jessica left.

Alice skipped over to my side cheerily. "Boy, taking the mickey out of someone really gives me a rush. Where's the entrée today?"

"You mean, _Bella_?" I sighed. "I don't know and I don't care. I've decided enough's enough. The semester will be over soon anyway so I'm just going to avoid her from now on. I'll just transfer her to a different doctor. I'm sure Mike would die for a taste."

She smirked at the feeble joke.

"Okay, Carlisle. Okay, you go do that. You do that, and Edward will go find God, Emmett will quit being a sexual deviant, Rosalie will get in touch with herself emotionally and we'll meet right back here at half past impossible."

"You're playing the ice queen card quite hard today."

Alice shrugged. "Rosalie hogs it. Thought I'd give it a try. It's fun."

"What's your point?"

"Carlisle, every time you try to get rid of her, she basically catapults herself into the middle of your life and bowls you over. You just need to face the music and accept that she sends the logical part of you running for cover."

"What, should I give up and eat her?"

"Carlisle, all I'm saying is that she's not the worst thing to happen to you so stop alienating her like she is."

"Alice, she asked me if I _liked_ her!"

_"I know_." She said patiently.

That surprised me. "Oh. Did you tell the others?"

"No. And believe me, it was job hiding it from Edward. But, I've seen you around her and you're enjoying yourself. I know it's been tough for you, especially since we've all paired off, but if she makes you smile a bit more often, keep her in your life. Even if it's just until we have to uproot and move again, it'll be worth it. I don't want you to be lonely."

"Alice, this is frivolous and not to mention dangerous! The Volturi like me, but not enough to allow this."

Carlisle, you've lived your life so ramrod straight, but now you have a chance. Be a little loose, a little less saintly. _No one_ will judge you or tell on you."

"Does that mean, I'm allowed to date?" I teased. "You won't mind a stepmom?"

Alice smiled cattily, her fangs glinting in the soft fluorescent light. "I would love a new stepmonster."

-x-

"This is stupid," I muttered, straightening my collar.

"Stop saying that," Alice said as she brushed the shoulders of the jacket I was wearing. I had gone a little astray from my usual appearance, trading my white coat for a leather jacket I was rather fond of and my tweed trousers for distressed jeans—all of which Alice sanctioned.

"This is adorable," she told me sternly. "And I know adorable, I mean, look at me."

"It's crazy and stupid."

"Well, love is crazy and stupid."

"This isn't love," I reminded me. "This is silliness and carelessness."

"And you are loving it, don't lie to me. Miss Alice knows all."

"Miss Alice?" I snorted.

She ignored me. "Carlisle, you look great, _obviously_. She already likes you, so don't mess this up by overthinking it and freaking yourself and her out—you know, by being yourself."

"Oh, that really takes the pressure off me, thank you for that."

"Oh, c'mon, Carlisle. You did this, even if it was three hundred years ago. It's essentially the same thing, the only difference is semantics."

"I was a priest's son, Alice. I was expected to be without consort."

"You had your fun. In any case, I know you made the cardinal mistake with Tanya, several times."

"Yes, but it's not exactly _difficult_ to get Tanya into bed."

"Just _GO_!"

I set off, driving to the university. I parked and, on foot, found the football field.

It was dark outside. A huge sign on the goal posts read '_TRÉ__S JOLIE, UNE NUIT._' A projector was set up on the dewy, grass, directing foggy, black-and-white 16 mm film media onto a screen. There were several couples strewn on blankets. Six packs littered the grass near them. Most of them were ignoring the movie entirely, wholly engrossed in their partner's tonsils, rolling around with wild abandon.

_Ah, college._

I could smell Bella a little ways off and a moment later, I caught sight of her a moment later. She was lain out of a blanket, by herself, totally involved in the movie, her lips moving in time to the dialogue. She stopped to sip straight from a bottle of wine.

I crept up behind her and as she took a draught of wine—Pinot Noir 1967—I whispered into her ear, "_Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"_

She jumped, slopping a little bit of wine on to herself in her alarm. "Oh, my god, Carlisle. You scared me." She squinted at me in the darkness. "Are you stalking me?"

"Perhaps. Or, perhaps I just love _Jolie_."

"It's impossible to love Jolie. She's such a ditz. She's far too whimsical, I mean, she walks with one foot in the street and one on the sidewalk? She's going to get whimsically hit by a bus."

I laughed.

"So, since we've established, you can't be here for the movie, you must be stalking me."

"Why can't I do both?"

_"HEY! SIT DOWN, ASSHOLE. WE CAN'T SEE!_"

I quickly dropped to the ground beside her. "Just _charming_."

"College students are so eloquent."

"They are, aren't they?"

I scooted closer to her so that our arms were touching, her body heat warming my on contact. She was wearing a sweet, homely dress that made her look every bit the ingénue.

"So, why are you here, _really_?"

"What do you mean?" I said quickly.

"I mean, why are _you_ really _here_, with _me? _I thought this wasn't what you wanted._"_

"I don't know exactly what I want. But Alice apparently does. You haven't met Alice, but she knows all about you. I confide most of my secrets to her, out of coercion more than anything else."

She giggled.

"I think, the reason your confession scared me so much is because I need to be in control. I need things to be predictable. Vampires are predictable. Humans are so volatile and fickle. And you frighten me because you're so erratic. I'm not used to being around you, and I like it, that scares me, too."

She smiled. Her hand moved on top of mine.

"Then, let's be scared together."

Our fingers interlocked and I felt a surge of warmth in the area where my beating heart should have been that had nothing to do with the warm night air.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me out top of her.

I hesitated — not in the normal way, the human way. Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman, to gauge her reaction, to see how he would be received. That ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss itself. I checked myself. To see how close to killing her I was...

But before I was ready, she pulled me to her and pressed her lips to mine.

_I love college._

-x-

"I don't know what it is. That area is usually entirely deserted." Alice said petulantly.

"I don't understand why all this publicity is coming because of eone or two hiking deaths. Aren't there bear maulings there everywhere? Some stupid hiker decides to play Goldilocks, or something?" Emmett complained.

An intrusion by local police had cut our hunting trip short and it had put everyone in a very irritable mood, but I couldn't wait any longer to tell them about Bella. It wasn't necessarily as though I were asking permission, but it did involve them and I thought it best to come clear before Bella was accidentally killed by a falling fork and the whole thing was out of my hands.

"I've decided to start seeing Bella."

It had come as an unpleasant surprise to all of them. It wasn't as if they had been unsupportive, but they were bewildered as to why I was attracted to Bella.

"She's so…normal," Edward said hesitantly.

"Clumsy to the point of pathological," Jasper added reasonably. "She seems...smart though."

Emmett couldn't understand why I would purposefully seek out my _la tua cantante_, after all wasn't her scent painful enough to endure without having to face any more than I had?

To that I had no answer.

And, though none of them voiced their main concern, they were all severely uncomfortable having a human know our secret; and the consequences of that—the Volturi-enforced ones—were not easily forgotten either. Their reaction had sobered me immensely. Alice's sweet pep talk had emboldened me but I had to face the music.

It wasn't fair to them to expose this level of threat for frivolity. I wasn't human and I didn't have the luxury or sowing my seed carelessly and dating indiscriminately. Besides, Bella had to know what she was getting into.

So at Alice's behest, we invited her to dinner. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

But then, that's usually how Alice's ideas went.

-x-

"So let me just finish up a few more people and then we can drive to my home and have dinner with my family." I groused the last bit of my sentence.

"Do you not want your family to meet me?" She asked, confused and a little defensively.

"I don't know how this is going to go. Everything I do with you is very unprecedented and I just wish I knew—"

"—what would happen," she finished. "Control freak, I remember." She smirked. "I'll wait out here." She took a seat in the waiting room, occupying herself with a celebrity gossip magazine.

I ducked back into my patient, followed by a Mrs. Clearwater. I was in the middle of checking her weight, when I heard Mike Newton come into my office.

"Oh, hi, Bella." He paused, perplexed. "What're you doing in here? Aren't I your primary care physician?"

"Oh," she floundered uncomfortably. "I just needed some paperwork about the accident, for my insurance company. Deductibles," she scoffed. "Am I right?"

_Very smooth, Bella._

"Oh, of course. Actually, it's good that I ran into you're here. There's a little party this weekend. Some big wigs are in town for a conference and it's a black tie event. Though afterwards, the old high school gang is meeting at my place for beer. Would you like to be my date?"

I could imagine Bella's face and it was priceless. Next to me, Mrs. Clearwater squirmed when I gripped her wrist too hard. "I'm terribly sorry," I apologized.

"Mike, I have a prior engagement for this weekend. I'm sorry, I can't."

"Don't worry, dollface. There'll be one around Christmas. Next time, huh?"

Bella make a small noncommittal noise in her throat.

But the fun did not stop there for Bella.

A few minutes later, Dr. Yorkie, walking by, saw her and asked her the same fateful series if questions. She declined yet again. I wondered if she expected me to take her to this staff party, which was little more than a thinly veiled excuse for the doctors to develop alcohol-induced liver failure and commit sexual acts the repercussions of which would echo through the rest of the year, like a plot twist on _General Hospital_.

Finally, when I was done for the day, I led her down to the parking lot. I gave her my keys and told her I would meet her in front of the hospital by the fire lane in a few minutes, and ran back up to grab a few files.

As I returned to the scene, I saw Dr. Crowley get out of his car, idling next to mine, and walk up to the driver's window and lean inside. The car ahead of mine was flashing its hazards as its owner attempted to force the stalling ignition to go.

Bella was in the driver's seat, looking thoroughly put out. "I can't move until this guy gets out of the way, Tyler."

"Oh, I know—I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here."

I grinned. This could not be happening. _Were they queuing up for this little play?_

"We're having a little get together this weekend, the old gang, I mean, after this boring black tie dinner. Do you want to be my date?"

"I have plans," Bella said patiently.

"I know, Mike said you would say that," Tyler said dully.

"_Then why would you ask me?"_ Now she sounded properly angry.

He shrugged. "I was hoping you were just letting him down easy." He shrugged, unconcernedly. "No worries, we still have the timeshare for the summer mortality and morbidity conference."

_Not smart, even for him._Her indignation was adorable, but I didn't dare laugh as I took her place in the driver's seat. "Don't you dare say a word," she muttered, furiously.

I mimed zipping my lips closed and we didn't say a word to each other until I was parked in front of my house.

"You like it?"

She was silent, drinking the image before in hungrily. I tried to see it through human eyes. Perhaps, she was disappointed that it wasn't a dirty, dank crypt filled to burst with coffins filled with cobwebs and squeaking bats.

"It's lovely," she said in quietly awestruck voice.

"Not what you expected, is it?" I asked lightly. "No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs…Esme wouldn't stand for that, of course. What a disappointment this must be for you," I added slyly.

She swallowed, hard. "Are they waiting?" She asked timidly.

"Yes, but if you don't want to—"

"No! I do! Carlisle, I meant everything I said." Her eyes were bright with emotion and certainty. "I'm falling for you, and I had been ever since the moment we met. I know you're scared and you don't think I'll be able to handle this. I know that they—" She gestured to the front door, on the other side of which, my family stood, listening to her every word. "—are waiting for the moment that I run away from you screaming bloody murder."

Her voice faded and I wondered if she was considering doing just that now.

"And?" I promptly gently.

Her eyes met mine and they were shining with emotion. "It's never going to happen."

I smiled, the familiar warmth coming to my heart. "You needn't worry," I calmed her. "It's isn't as bad as all that. And, it goes without saying, nothing can change the way I feel about you."

She took my hand.

"Ready?" I asked, opening her door so she could step out of my Mercedes.

"Not even a little bit. Let's go."

* * *

**_If you would like me to update more often, please, send me money so I can buy a computer. Or, you could just, you know, REVIEW!_**


	9. Awake

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_**I'm so sorry. I know it's been forever since I've posted and I know you don't care about my excuses. I had the worst writer's block with this fic, but hopefully, this will fix that. Enjoy. Let me know, did my return rock? :) Should I have stayed away? :( Anyway, I smashed out a huge chapter, so YAY!  
**_

_**xoxo —****ei**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

* * *

_**·****V****·****E****·****R****·****B****·****O****·****T****·****E****·****N****·**_

_Chapter 9: Awake_

_Forks, Washington_

"And that's why I don't have cable," Mike told us sternly. "If I got porn twenty-four seven, I wouldn't do _anything_. I wouldn't eat or sleep, or go outside. Eventually firemen would have to break in with an axe and they'd find me sitting there in my pajamas with drool coming down my face."

"Are you as glad as I am that he said drool?" Alice muttered to me under her breath as she nodded politely to Mike and we walked away.

"Oh, you have no idea."

Under the pretense of demonstrating a thoracentesis to Alice, we had managed to duck away. She pointed out a small balcony that was hidden in a recess of the hospital.

"What's wrong?" I asked, nervously.

"Nothing," she grinned. "But Jasper and Emmett will be a having a conversation that I think you would enjoy."

"That _I_ would enjoy, or that _you_ would enjoy making me listen to?" I asked testily.

"Carlisle, let me paint you a word picture."

_ '"Do you think Carlisle knows what he's doing?"_

_"You're going to have to be more specific," Jasper said, as he continued to flip through the channels. He paused for an extra millisecond on what sounded like the Cooking Channel as a steak was being made rare._

_Edward was expressing his rage that Alice had replaced all his sweater vests with dark, brooding hoodies, and grungy clothes._

_Esme was out purchasing new shrubbery for our home and Rose had gone with her to purchase some new gadgetry for the cars._

_"Like, in the _sack_." Emmett clarified._

_Jasper laughed shortly._

_"What? Was that a no?"_

_"I'm sure he does." Jasper assured him._

_Emmett made a noise of disbelief. "I know he's been to medical school—what is it, like six times now?—but it's not the same. I assure you; Edward had no idea what was happening until he met Esme and he went to medical school, too."_

_"Carlisle was twenty-three when he turned, right?" mused Jasper, now taking an interest as well. "As much as I respect the _good doctor_, I'm sure he had his carnal callings while he was human."_

_"Okay, plausibly, but let's be honest, after being changed, it's a whole different ballgame." Emmett chuckled appreciatively. "I'm just saying, maybe we should step up and, like, take him to a strip joint or, you know, Tanya's."_

_"I think a strip joint, especially the seedy ones near Port Angeles, are really a bit under our budget. Try and pick the bar up, off the ground perhaps."_

_"You're right! We make it a triad: Tanya, Irina, and Kate! One night, untamed pleasure, no safe words."_

_"Kate would like that—"'_

"Okay! I've heard enough!" I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "_Please,_ for the love of God, stop narrating."

She snickered. "Care to venture a response_, good doctor_?"

"No comment," I muttered morosely.

But Alice's _picture_ had opened up a new world of thought. A taboo world of sexual abandon that found me constantly having to distract myself from where Edward was around so he wouldn't go blind.

Bella and I had been dating for several months now. _Dating? _It was such a vapid word to describe what I felt about her. I couldn't get enough of her.

Neither could the others. Even Rosalie had come around out of her icy exterior and in an area good humor offered to take Bella hunting—I was hoping it was humor anyway. Even at the hospital, Mike and Jessica were laying off Bella and I.

It was a good time for my sexual awakening, perhaps, reawakening was more appropriate. I wasn't a virgin by any standard. I'd had my fun as a human, perhaps not as much as Emmett and much more than Edward—though that wasn't saying much—and after becoming what I was…well, suffice it to say, Tanya had taken care of that.

But Bella was different. It wasn't purely pheromonal as it had been with Tanya, or purely idolatry as it had been with Esme, or even pure debauchery as it had been when I was human. Bella was a toxic combination of all three and I was finding it increasingly difficult as the days passed to resist.

And yet, I had to.

If only because Tanya would have been fine even if she was hit with a semi, Bella on the other hand, bruised when Emmett shook her hand.

-x-

"Tell me about your family." She nestled into my side, as if settling comfortably for a good bedtime story.

"You already know them," I reminded her. She smiled expectantly. "I met Edward first. I was a doctor in Europe at the time of the Spanish Influenza epidemic. I came across his mother first. She was dying, there was nothing to be done then. His father had died the day previous and Edward was already succumbing, becoming delirious."

She watched me doe-eyed.

We were in my room. She had been grading papers until now as I was reviewing my day's cases. I had reprimanded her for being too lenient with Jasper's essay, so she had relented and crucified him, much to his woe. And then, as it inevitably did, conversation turned to me and my…_condition,_ as she liked to call it in public, as if I had nothing more dangerous than high blood pressure.

"I remember it like it was yesterday. It was never quiet in the hospital. There was always people screaming, moaning—some of them just spoke into thin air for hours upon hours. When I passed her, I did what I could to make her remaining hours comfortable. She seemed to come to her senses for a while at least. She seized my hands and begged me to save Edward."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward come and lean casually in the doorway, keenly observing Bella's reaction.

"I told her I would do what I could, but somehow she knew that I wasn't, well, entirely human. She told me to save him the way only I could. How she knew…I'll never understand. She never spoke after that, but lapsed into a restive sleep. Within a few hours, we lost her as well."

"Poor Edward," Bella whispered.

"I sedated him and took him with me. It wasn't difficult. What with all the sickness and the overcrowded rooms, I pretended I was taking him to the morgue. No one doubted me. I took him back to my home and changed him there. Immediately afterwards, we left."

"Why didn't you pretend to be the father this time around?

I shrugged. "It's a charade that simplifies things. I suppose for some of them it is that way. Rosalie, Emmett, and even Alice look to me as a father, but Jasper and Edward especially are like brothers to me. Edward was my very first companion; we have a unique bond. And Jasper has gone through so much and is just too close to my own age for me to consider a son."

"Jasper? He seems the most normal out of all them." She said, bewildered. Downstairs, Emmett snorted derisively. "What do you mean?"

"He was a soldier during the Civil war and he was changed down south, sought out for his change in fact to use in the wars down south?"

"In the Civil war? Which side?"

"The _vampire_ side. There was a power play occurring against the backdrop of the human war, which they used to disguise the out-of-control slaughter of humans. Vampires, especially those in the biggest covens, fight for the most populated areas."

"That gives American history a whole new spin," she giggled nervously.

"Bella, you remember what I told you about how vampires die, and how difficult that is? You already know how strong we are. That Jasper is with us today is a testament to him. I don't think even he knows how many humans or vampires he's killed. Don't underestimate him. He is the most dangerous of all of us. In any case, I was tired to all the attention I was getting a single father."

"More dangerous than Emmett?"

Edward snorted from the doorway. Bella finally noticed him. "Emmett?" Edward scoffed. "He might be a little bigger than the rest of us, but all he is a big baby."

"At least I didn't _cry_ when I lost the last wrestling match," Emmett called from downstairs.

There was a crash even as the words left his mouth. I assumed Jasper had tackled him to the ground for that and broken the frosted glass coffee table.

"No one asked, fool!" Jasper snarled.

Edward brayed with laughter.

"Jasper!" I snapped.

"Sorry," he muttered dully. "I'll stop by Ikea tomorrow."

"And that's why _I'm_ the acting father," I told Bella tiredly.

"Carlisle, Someone's at the door!" Alice called.

"Then get the door, Alice!" I called back, exasperated. I turned back to Bella. "I'm sorry about them. I thought they would be better behaved when company was over."

"Carlisle!" Alice called. "You'd better come down."

"I'll be just a second," I told Bella.

She smiled. "I love that when you say that, you actually mean it."

I rushed downstairs. "What is it, Alice? You know I don't like it when you interrupt my time with Bella considering—oh my god." I had just noticed the woman standing next Alice.

"Carlisle, it's been too long!" _Said no one ever in my situation ever._

"Tanya…hi."

"What are you…doing here?" I asked her, glaring at Alice. _Why hadn't she seen this coming? And what on earth was my previous…partner in intimacy doing here? With Bella upstairs!_

"Visiting!" She seized Alice and pulled her into a hug. The rest of the family crowded around her, half exuberant, half bewildered, the usual reaction to Tanya. "Emmett, getting bigger every day. Jasper, I feel so happy to see you. Edward, I was just thinking about you." Tanya always liked her little jokes.

"Tanya, it's good to see you to, but…"

My feeble protests faded away as she turned away from the others, and smiled coolly. "And who are you?"

Bella had come downstairs behind us and was watching us. "Bella, and you are?"

"Tanya. You must be the girlfriend."

Bella grinned. "And you must be the ex."

_Oh, dear God._

-x-

Something was going on.

Tanya and Bella had gone shopping and I was left to carry their bags. Tanya would catch my eye, whisper something to Bella so quietly that I wouldn't hear over the din of the department store and they would giggle and laugh. Rinse, and repeat_. Every. Five. Minutes_.

It was driving me insane.

"Carlisle!" Tanya called me over.

"Going home now?" I asked hopefully.

"No, Bella's hungry so I'm going to take her to dinner. We'll meet you at home." She handed me several more bags.

Weakly, I returned home, where I couldn't stop pacing.

"Carlisle, calm down."

"Do not tell to calm down, Alice. This is _your _fault. You should have seen this coming and warned me so I could take Bella somewhere else for the week, like Siberia. Anywhere but here!"

"It's not that bad," Jasper said, soothingly. As he spoke, a calm washed over me, too sudden to be organic.

"Don't!" I snapped at him. "My worlds are colliding, okay? I'm not—I can't relax. I bet there out there right now, just telling secrets about me. What do I do? Should I call them? I should call them."

"No," Jasper shook his head gravely.

"What you shouldn't have done was let Tanya stay here in the first place." Alice said, knowingly. "This isn't a flophouse, Carlisle. You've got to stop letting freeloaders just live here."

"Please tell me you see the irony of that."

The front door swung open.

Bella trounced in, looking appalled. "My God, Tanya. Carlisle did that? I can't believe him."

I looked from one woman to the other. "What can't you believe? What? No. What? No. Come on. Bella, there's two sides to that story. She's _lying_. What did you tell her?"

"The truth, Carlisle."

"Carlisle, you're not the man that I thought I knew." Bella said, sounding crestfallen.

"I'm the man you thought you knew," I insisted. "I promise, I'm the man you know. I thought you—I'm that—you think—I know you. I'm him."

They frowned at me—and then, burst out laughing.

"Great idea, Tanya," Bella laughed, wiping tears of mirth out of her eyes.

I looked from one to the other, both still vibrating with laughter, my anxiety fading. "This is not—I do not appreciate this."

"Oh, you're right. He _does_ lean to the left when he's stressed. I never noticed that before." Bella grinned. "Thank you, Tanya. I had lots of fun with you." Bella turned to me with a devious smile. "Let's go home, Carlisle."

The moment we were on the freeway, I turned to her anxiously and said, "What did she say about me? It wasn't true, I swear. Is it anything I need to be worried about?"

She giggled. "You know what, Carlisle? As much as fun as it would be to continue torturing you, actually like you a little bit more now."

"Do you?"

"Tanya is a fun, dynamic, and hard-to-say-no-to woman. But as long as she's in town, I want you with me, in my house."

"Done," I said unequivocally. "Okay. Anything else?"

She reached over the steering column and kissed me. "It's good to know you're not just the stuffy doctor."

"Hey!"

We turned into her driveway and I helped her carry her merchandise into her apartment. She dropped them onto the counter and began to clear away the kitchen.

"Jacob called?"

"What?" She looked up, tearing her eyes from the fridge which was stuffed full to burst with Ramen.

I pointed to a sticky note where Jacob's name was scrawled next to a harried '_call him!'_ "Bella, I wish you wouldn't eat that junk. There's enough salt in one spoonful to give you spontaneous hypertension."

She ignored me pointedly. "Oh, him. He's been calling me. Not about us—well, not him and me, I mean—but about _us_, you and me, I mean. He and the others are convinced you're dangerous. Especially when they saw me at the mall with Alice last weekend. I told them we were shopping for groceries."

"Your wolf friends should be far more worried by the fact that I'm in bed every night with you than your being Alice's POW due to a shopping compulsion."

"I don't mind. We'd have much less privacy at your house."

Her hands slid up my chest as she pressed tender butterfly kisses on my throat. I blinked in consternation. All I could think about was her heady scent, all I could feel was the way her hands warned my icy skin, awakening a hunger that I'd never experienced so fervently before.

"Why, you harpy," I said lightly. "What did Tanya do to you? I'm not sure whether to tear her apart or get on my knees and thank her."

She smiled. "She taught me the art of seduction. What do you think?"

Slowly, she began to unbutton her shirt, revealing a lacy black negligee. Edward was never going to get this idea out of his head, because I wasn't sure how I would ever forget this glorious sight.

"Carlisle?"

"What?" How had she distracted me?

"Are you even paying attention?" She asked, amused.

My mind had gone blissfully blank. "Yes." I turned her face to mine and met her lips in measured kiss. "Was this what you were after, darling?"

I'd never been this way before; it was almost as if I were intoxicated. I drank her in hungrily, memorizing every detail of her face, her body. This was a new hunger, no longer bloodlust, but an unadulterated carnal appetite.

"What was that look?" She asked curiously.

"What?"

"The look you just gave me?

"I gave you a look?"

"Yes."

"What kind of look?"

"I _know_ that look."

"Well, what was it?"

"Trust me, I know that look. I saw that look on Jacob's face every day, and once against my hip."

I winced. _Thank you for that visual._

"You know," she said conversationally as though we were discussing Dostoyevsky. "In the era before Anne Rice's LeStat and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, vampiric bloodlust was just a thinly veiled metaphor for _sex_." She watched me carefully as she said this for a reaction.

With difficulty, I refused to rise to her taunt and thanked God my family wasn't around for this conversation that was painful for me in more ways than one.

She went on. "In fact, when I taught _Lolita_ last semester, one of my students wrote this simply spectacular paper discussing how the lyrical beauty of the novel disguises sexual tragedy —"

"Did you just compare me to Humbert, the pedophile?" I closed my eyes, utterly mortified.

"Carlisle! You're missing my point! I am not Lolita! I'm not some nubile eight-year-old. I'm a fully grown woman who knows exactly what she's doing and why. And you—you're not some creepy geriatric—"

"Bella, I'm three-hundred and sixty two."

She recovered rather quickly from this nasty surprise. "You're not manipulating me into bed. I _want_ this. You want this. We love each other. It's entirely natural. When you _know_, you _know_," she said simply.

I frowned at her logic.

"Please? Just once?" She pouted and put her hands on her hips. "Are you going to make me beg?"

I reached out my hands and pulled her to me. "I suppose not."

-x-

Bella rolled over on to her side and smiled at me. "See, I told you so."

"What's this?" She asked with a surprised laugh. "You gave me a hickey!" She climbed into my lap and kissed me tenderly. Her hands started ghosting over my body, leaving my skin pleasantly warm and tingly.

"I thought you said just once," I whispered.

"I lied," She whispered back.

-x-

"Carlisle? You're back? Already? Boy, he really doesn't last long, does he?"

Money passed between him and Jasper.

"You bet on us? Really? That's just tasteless, even for you, Emmett." I fought the telling smile from appearing on my face. "In any case, she needed a few hours." _To recover._

Jasper grinned. "So how'd you make out last night?"

Edward bumped his fist. "Nice one."

"That—that is funny. That is painfully funny. No, wait. Wait, that's just painful." I frowned, falling in the couch with a sigh.

"Too difficult?"

"I hate not feeling in control and with her, it's just chaos." I ran my hands through my hair.

"C'mon, Carlisle!" Emmett whined. "Tell us about her. How was she?"

"Emmett, I am not going to kiss and tell. What are we, seventeen?"

"No, but Edward is, and I think we'd all like to know. None of us have ever been with a human. You've got to tell us what it was like!"

I laughed freely. It was astonishing, I felt like the epitomal teenage boy boasting of his conquest, and yet nothing could have been further from the truth. "I can hardly find the words. All these years, I never thought. And despite Tanya's best efforts—" I shook my head, speechless.

The three of them hung on my every word. "_Better?_"

"I could never have imagined it...I am a little worried though," I confided in an undertone. "I mean, I'm probably not quite what Bella is used to…quantity-wise."

Emmett whooped and clapped me on the back in a comradely fashion.

"Probably quality-wise, too," Jasper added with a snicker. "If she dated Mike Newton."

"I'm going to go back before she wakes up, but I know there can be, ah, re_percussions_ afterward. I cracked her headboard trying to keep myself in check!"

Emmett whooped boisterously and money passed back to him from Edward.

I stopped short. "You know, I'm _really_ _not_ comfortable discussing this and you certainly aren't making it easier."

"I wouldn't worry," Jasper consoled me. "Bella isn't like Tanya for you. She's only the second woman you've felt this way about. I know you've been—" he searched for a diplomatic way to say what he was thinking. "—this _way_ longer than any of us, but the fact she's not in a full body cast at this point is a victory in itself."

"Trust _me_," Emmett smirked, elbowing Jasper out of the way. "It'll come naturally. Do like Rose and I do—get under the blankets and let the instincts take over."

"It's a blanket, Emmett," Jasper snapped. "Not a cloak of invisibility, which you'd do well to remember when the rest of us are around."

I sensed someone watching me and turned. Edward was standing on the stairs, watching all three of us with a calculating look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked, sensing trouble.

He didn't look at me directly. "What did you say, Jasper? '_This is only the second woman you've felt this way about_?' Why did you think of Esme when you thought that?" His tone was belligerent.

Jasper glanced at me for a fraction of a second and then attempted to pacify Edward. "It's not what you think—"

"No, I think it's exactly what I think, Jasper because I know your mind pretty well. I know the way you think, when you try to hide something with a distraction: you tried to hide that by thinking of Alice after and to throw me off guard, like it was routine."

He finally looked at me, flashing me a look that was full of danger. His stance was combative, almost as if he was preparing to attack me, or was trying very hard not to attack me.

"Tell me, Carlisle." He said slowly and meaningfully. "Has Esme always been like a sister to you? Did you never consider her to be a potential mate?" He said it as if goading me to lie and give myself a way out.

I wasn't going to lie, but I didn't even have to finish my thought before and he snapped and was upon me. Before he could really get a hold of me however, Emmett straight-armed him and Jasper was between us, trying so hard to calm everyone that he nearly knocked us out.

"How could you, Carlisle?" he yelled. "My wife! My mate! How can you even think that about her? How dare you!" He snarled.

"Edward, it's all in the past. It was never serious. It was idle thought. How can you doubt me? I have never lied to you!" I pleaded. "As your creator, as your brother…"

He met my eyes measuredly. "_Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated_," he quoted at me fiercely.

"You know my mind, Edward. I am not lying about this."

He struggled wildly. "When I get out of this I will—"

"Kill me?" I asked, my voice suddenly tired.

I had known some day this would happen, that Edward was too proud of heart to walk away from this fight. He glowered at me and at that moment I knew exactly what he was thinking—I didn't need to be telepathic, his intentions were written in the vengeance in his eyes.

"Don't touch her, Edward." I warned him quietly. "Don't go near her while you're like this. I may have been out of line feeling what I felt, but I _never_ acted on my impulses."

This didn't seem to faze him or displace the cold murderous look his eyes. "Frankly, Carlisle. _Fuck you."_

My voice got quieter and colder—never had I spoken with such violent conviction and least of all to my family who I had always treated with unwavering gentility—"Whatever you plan on doing," I growled very quietly.

He watched me, his eyes full of mutinous anger.

"Give it your best shot because you'll only get one. And we'll see who's still standing at the end of it."

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	10. Truths

_"I love you. It's a miserable excuse for what we're doing, but it's true," I murmured. "But we belong together," she whispered. "No, there isn't a more foolproof way of getting the Volturi here, but you're worth it." AU. CxB. REVISED._

_**I'm so sorry. It's a little short, but better than nothing, right? X**__**oxo —****ei BTW I have a new original fic out on fictionpress! Check it out, it's a little different my usual endeavors in romance and adventures. It's more of a thriller! Same author's name: eloquentlyinsane. Go read it!**_

_**************Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**_

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_**·****V****·****E****·****R****·****B****·****O****·****T****·****E****·****N****·**_

_Chapter 10: Truths_

_Forks, Washington_

"We need a contingency," Alice said. "Edward's on a rampage. I can't see what he's going to do—he's changing his mind too quickly—I'm only getting flashes. But it doesn't look good."

"What _is_ it?"

"He's killing you, he's dead. Sometimes both, sometimes neither. But every time, he's losing control. He's slipping and Bella's always dead."

"We've got to bring her here!" Jasper said at once. "We can protect her best until Edward cools down, or at least until Esme gets back."

"Call Esme!" I shouted at Emmett.

"I did," he whined. "She's not answering. She must be hunting."

"Or maybe Edward got to her," Rosalie added darkly.

"No, no, Esme would never condone this." I spun around, my mind racing. "We can't bring Bella here. She would never allow it and besides, it's too predictable. It's the first place Edward would come. She needs to stay at her apartment. Edward's never been there."

"It's only a matter of time, Carlisle. Edward cold just track her there from the university. Or here, her scent is everywhere. As for her not allowing it…" Jasper smirked. "I'd like to see her resist any one of us."

"We need someone to stake out there."

"But who would be dumb enough to volunteer to do that?" Emmett snickered. "_Not it_!" He added, quickly.

We all glanced sideways at Rosalie.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me."

-x-

_This is a terrible idea._

I was pacing hurriedly around the cliffs by La Push, not troubling to keep quiet. But I had been here for a half-hour and nothing had happened, or more accurately, no one had showed up.

"This is stupid," I chuntered under my breath. _What is the point of painstakingly drawing up a treatise when you don't even care who trespasses on tribal prop—_

A snarl rent the air.

I stumbled backed, as four large, bear-sized wolves padded into the clearing, hackles raised, and jowls aquiver with delight.

"I come in peace," I said mildly.

_'I come in peace'? What is this Star Wars?_

There was a sharp crack like a gunshot and the foremost wolf, an entirely black wolf with especially menacing fangs, transformed into a nude boy. He did not make any attempt to cover himself.

"We need your help."

"We do not help you, monster."

_Tell me you see the irony…_

"It's not for us, there's a danger to the townspeople tonight."

-x-

"What is she _doing_ here?" I hissed at Jasper, livid.

I'd finally gotten back from the wolves, having convinced them that Edward was a threat, but not a kill him, which went against every one of their wolfish instincts.

"This concerns her, too, Carlisle. Edward's not the only this was news for. She deserves to know. And…Alice said she would be helpful in this situation." He muttered the last bit very quietly.

"_Alice_ said—well, that's just—perfect!" I snarled.

"Carlisle," Bella said quietly, touching my arm.

"What?" I growled.

Her eyes widened, fear flashed momentarily in them and immediately I was disgusted with myself.

"I'm sorry, Bella." I rubbed my eyes tiredly. "Today was an unqualified catastrophe." I pulled her closer to me and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

She relaxed by a fraction. "What's going on?"

"Edward and I are having a little fight," I said evasively.

"A little fight?" Emmett said scornfully. "He's going to kill you."

Bella blanched. "He _WHAT_?"

"It's not that bad," Alice said coolly, glowering at Emmett. "Edward has a flair for the overdramatic."

"He wants to kill Carlisle?" Bella repeated, stunned. "Surely that's a figure of speech."

She had expected us to agree with her immediately, but when Jasper and I exchanged guilty glances, she staggered backward. Emmett caught her neatly and pushed a chair under her.

"Bella, you don't need to worry. It will pass, Edward will cool down."

"Carlisle," Jasper said, in a voice too low for her to hear. "You can't push this under the rug and pretend like nothing is wrong. Even if Edward does cool down, she deserves to know. You said you would be honest with her, and this isn't a very good way to start out."

The others swiveled their heads a fraction toward us as they followed the conversation, still maintaining the guise of calming Bella so she wouldn't realize we were carrying a secret dialogue right under her nose.

"Jasper, it's in the past. Why I do need to go and rake up old wounds? Why alarm her about something that doesn't even matter anymore?"

He merely looked at me.

"Fine!" I snapped.

Bella glanced up at me worriedly. "Carlisle…?" Her eyes shone, begging for me to confide in her. She had already told in me that she was very aware of the inequity in our relationship and I had, in turn, promised to be upfront with her.

_So what am I doing?_

She watched me, doe-eyed and cautious, probably waiting for me to explode again.

"Bella, I'm going to explain what's happening, but I need you to understand that all of it was in the past, alright? None of it matters to me anymore. You understand that, right? My whole life before you means nothing—you are my life now."

"Carlisle, you're scaring me."

"Did I ever tell you how I met Esme?"

This threw her. "How you—Esme? What does that matter…—" She glanced around. "Where _is_ Esme?"

"She's in Alaska with Tanya, Eleazar and the others. She's been there for almost a week. No one's told her yet…Edward hasn't either, I'll bet, because she would be furious with him. And it's not in my place, or anyone else's to play the tattletale."

She took this in. "No, you never told me how you and Esme met."

"It was before I met Edward. Chicago, 1911, shortly before the First World War. She had fallen from a tree and broken her leg. As you can imagine, I caused quite a stir in town as a young, single doctor. Several parents pursued me for their daughters, but I moved on to my next employment too quickly for anything to come to fruition, but Esme made quite an impression on me."

Bella's face had turned pasty, as though what she was hearing made her physically ill.

"Several years later, by a stroke of luck, Edward and I we ran into Esme again, but in a very different situation. She had not had a happy life. Her husband beat her. Why she stayed even as long as she did, I don't know, but when she realized she was pregnant she left him without a second thought. But she lost the baby and that was the last straw for her. Edward found her on the edge of a ravine. She had jumped from a very great height. I recognized her immediately and with Edward's help, I changed her and we hoped for the best."

Bella's eyes glistened.

"You can understand that perhaps I had certain — well, perhaps, 'expectations' is too strong a word, but I operated under some assumptions: Esme and I were the oldest and we even had a prior history so you can understand that almost everyone thought initially that Esme and I would be…mates."

There was no way to say it delicately.

"I can understand that," She said stonily.

"So it came as a surprise to me when she and Edward expressed an interest in each other. Arrogantly, I had assumed that she would return my feelings. Even after she and Edward had solidified, for years I had some remnants of my feelings, nothing more than idle though fueled by the fact that I still hadn't met anyone I wanted. Of course, I would _never, ever_, act on my feelings, out of respect for Edward and Esme, but they were there nonetheless, simmering."

"How long did you have these feelings?"

"Until I met you."

"I see."

I didn't like her response. It was heavy with unsaid meaning. She turned away from me, biting her lip, apparently lost in thought.

"Bella, please, talk to me." I got down on my knees and held her hands in mine.

"Carlisle," she said slowly. "I can understand why you would hesitate to tell me this. Talking about previous relationships, unrequited or not, is difficult. I can hardly judge you. I mean, I slept with Mike Newton—that's far worse."

_"You slept with Mike Newton!_"

She frowned at me.

"Okay, not the point. I see your forgiveness and raise you some clemency."

She continued, "I can even accept your assurance that you don't have any feelings for Esme. I believe you entirely, really I do…"

_But…_

"But I don't know if I can be with you anymore."

"What?" I said, aghast. "But you said—"

"Carlisle, try to imagine what this feels like for me. Suddenly, the only man I've ever loved is telling me that he used be in love with his brother-son's wife, a woman who I've adored unconditionally until now because there was never any competition for your affections. But now, I'm too aware of how short I fall compared to her. I'm never going to be as pretty as Esme. I'm always going to feel like a consolation prize."

She took my hand.

"I can't live my life like that. I would never be happy. I can even understand why Edward is angry; you being his father, his brother—he must feel so betrayed. Even if you never did anything, _especially _if you never did anything because he's always going to wonder whether if you had tried to win Esme over maybe she would have chosen you over him—because that's how I feel."

"Bella," I said weakly, falling to the ground beside her. "How can I convince you that what I felt for Esme doesn't hold a candle to the inferno of affection and adoration I have for you? I love _you_. I desired Esme; that is all."

She began to cry.

"Bella, please, please, don't do this."

She held up her hand to stop me. "Jasper? Take me home, please."

He was next to me in a moment. He neatly picked her up bridal style so that her legs dangled over his arms.

"Jasper, _no!"_

Suddenly, Emmett was behind me, straight-arming me just as he had to Edward before. I struggled futilely as Jasper carried Bella from the house. I stopped when I could no longer sense her and, slowly, Emmett let go of me.

"Carlisle," he patted my shoulder tersely.

"I've just lost my son and the love of my life," I told him plaintively. "I don't think the Volturi could have done any better."

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